Author: Demi
Email: Demi22@aol.com
Rated: PG
Submitted: December 1997
I found this on my hard drive tonight, searching for something completely different. It’s the tiniest little vignette (completely unedited) and it’s from all the way back in 1997. The funny thing is, there are a lot of these on my computer and, like this one, I barely remembered many of them when I re-read the bits and pieces. I also don’t recall if I ever sent it to anyone, either.
But, as I was about to close it up again and keep looking, I thought perhaps one or two people might still want to read it here on these boards, so I decided to toss it out here.
I was asked the other night on IRC when the ‘next story’ was going to be and I answered honestly that I wasn’t sure if there was another L&C story left in me. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, because when I reflected later, I thought about a novel length piece I’d started well before Kathy and I ever began the “epic”. Actually there were about three of them but one in particular I was fond of.
I set it aside because a) it was very different than usual L&C fanfiction; a lot more sci-fi in the process, and b) Kathy and I started talking about the epic and that appropriated my attention almost completely for a few months afterwards …
In any event, perhaps I will pull that old piece out of mothballs and continue it. Maybe I’ll even open up and post the other little tiny vignettes and character workshops I’ve written over the years and never ever really considered that anyone might want to read. Oddly, I recently discovered that my thinking that way was a misconception, since I posted a few of those kinds of little workshops (after a larger story) to another group writing list and ended up engendering quite a response from them. Who’d have thought?
The vignette which follows is (as I said earlier) from 1997. It’s a ‘redeux’ of ATAI’s ending with lines thrown in from about four or five other (later) episodes as well. It has no plot and no purpose other than that.
_________________
“Are you chilly?” Clark asked, placing his hand over Lois’ shoulder as he did so. She smiled back at him.
“No,” she replied, and Clark, forever misunderstanding, began to remove his arm. Lois caught his hand in hers and laced her fingers through his, pulling his arm around her even so. Clark sighed.
“I’ve been thinking.” He noted quietly, and Lois nodded.
“Me too.” She added, exhaling softly.
“What about?” He pulled her closer and she complied, sliding easily into the crook of his arm.
“I guess … sometimes, when you’re with someone … a lot. As often as we’re together,” she glanced up at him, her eyes shone in the lamplight and she smiled, making everything else in Clark’s present vanish completely. ” … you start to take for granted, all the little things, the things that you do when you’re together, the way it’s always so … comfortable to talk. I mean, you know each other so well, and you think that no matter what happens, you’ll always have that. Each other. Us. Clark? Am I making sense here?” Lois dipped her head as the couple reached the large fountain in the center of the park.
Clark sighed, turning her into his arms so that she faced him. He nodded, searching her eyes as she took his hands in hers.
“You’re my best friend, Clark.” Lois spoke softly and the onset of a shy smile lifted the corners of her lips. “You’re my partner.” She let out a breath and watched him glance once at their feet. “And you’re … more than that.”
He brought his gaze level with hers once more, catching his breath at what he saw there and wanting desperately to pull her into his arms. Lois reached up to smooth his hair with one hand as she continued.
“And I want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter … how difficult things can get, sometimes. I’ll always be here for you. You do know that don’t you?”
“Lois, I — ” Clark began, nodding once more. She could see that he was holding back, she knew him that well. But she could also see that he was nervous. Nervous and something … deeper … something which made her feel as though all that she wanted was to fall forward, into his arms and hold him, be held by him.
But there was still too much left unsaid. And if there was any such thing as a “God” at all, tonight, He would remedy that situation.
“Do you trust me?” Lois’ voice intruded into what had become a quiet moment. Clark glanced down at her, taken aback.
“Of course I trust you.” He’d spoken softly, but without hesitating. “Lois, I trust you with my life.” Clark reached out to her and cupped the side of her face in his hand.
Lois met his gaze briefly, before she caught her breath and shut her eyes, turning into his touch.
“Then Clark … ” She whispered, her eyes still closed. “I *need* you to–”
“Lois,” Clark cut in, shaking his head. “There *is* something, I need to say to you.” He pulled slowly away. ” … It’s something … I should have said a long time ago. But I didn’t. And I know that I can’t change what I’ve done, or the decisions that I’ve already made, and so I hope … ” He watched her eyes open and her face become compelling. “I hope … that you’ll be able to forgive me.” Lois nodded wordlessly, her expression at once, both serious and compassionate. Clark drew in a shaky breath of air.
“You know, I’ve gone over this 1000 times in my head and I still have no idea how to even begin … ” He swallowed and Lois pressed the back of her fingers against the side of his face, tracing his jawline.
“Then just … say it.” Their eyes locked and she felt a rush of emotion in response to the way he was looking at her. Finally, he spoke.
“Sometimes … you think you’re immortal. And you start to think that, the people around you are too.” He smiled at her and she couldn’t help but return the compliment ” … but it only takes a second for you to realize, how *wrong* you are. About … *everything*.” Clark trailed off and Lois nodded slowly.
“Lois, I have been in love with you … from the day, I met you.” He took her hands in his and sank to his knees before her, watching as her eyes lit up and her cheeks reflected new color, if only a little. He smiled.
“And you have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to tell you this. But I was always … a little afraid, I guess.” He stopped speaking so suddenly that Lois regarded him with a questioning gaze.
“Afraid? Why?” She met his eyes.
“I wanted to know that you cared for me, I *needed* to know that I hadn’t fallen in love with someone who could never feel the same way about me, as I did about her … about *you*.”
“Oh, Clark.” Lois sighed. “I’m sorry that I pushed you away for so long. I was wrong. And I guess … I was a little afraid … too. I guess we both were.” She frowned momentarily. “But we don’t have to be afraid anymore.” She squeezed his hands. “I realize that now. And I want you to realize it too. I do love you, Clark Kent.” She smiled down at him, swallowing as she did so. And to her absolute amazement, she saw the unshed moisture, shining in his eyes.
“Clark! You’re–” She reached up towards his face, brushing her fingertips over his skin and testing the dampness with her hand. He didn’t try to stop her, though he did begin to speak; new resolution in his voice.
“Lois, whatever I’ve become, whoever I am, *you’ve* helped me get here. Without you, I’d never have been a partner, or a best friend, or a man completely in love with a woman. You’ve given me the most incredible gifts, but you can’t understand how *much* you’ve given me, until you know … everything.”
Lois felt her own eyes fill with moisture and she nodded, allowing him to take her hands once more and hold them tightly. He stood.
“Lois … ” Clark began, and the sky rumbled with thunder just as it began to pour.
“Come on! Give me a break!” He tipped his head up and cried out to whatever powers had started the storm. Lois giggled and turned her face into the rain momentarily.
“Do you want to go back?” She asked, meeting his now-serious expression, but he shook his head.
“If the earth opened up at my feet … I wouldn’t move until I’d said this.”
When she nodded slowly, Clark let out a shaky breath while the rain continued to fall, soaking their bodies and flowing in tiny rivulets over his face and glasses.
“Lois … I’m … Superman.” He spoke the words slowly, letting them roll off of his tongue and holding his breath thereafter while he watched her expression, his heart on his sleeve.
Lois let out a long and measured sigh. And then he saw her head tip forward, the instant before she met his gaze.
For several eternal moments, their gazes locked and Clark’s heart thundered against the inside of his chest, more powerfully than the storm above their heads.
After what seemed like an eternity, she did something he’d never expected or imagined she ever would have. Lois Lane fell forward into his arms and held him, pulling her hands along the wet material at his back.
“Oh, Clark.” She whispered against his ear. “That was the bravest thing I’ve ever seen you do.”
With an audible gasp, Clark pulled away from her, placing his hands up at her shoulders and swallowing several droplets of water as they rolled over his lips. He fixed her with a look of awe.
“Lois? … You knew?” He spoke over the roar of the rain and Lois nodded carefully, while Clark’s expression took on a decidedly more serious appearance.
“Only since yesterday,” she admitted quickly. “when you did this … ” She reached forward and cupped the side of his face in her hand. “You’ve touched me before. Both of you. But I guess almost dying sort of … heightened everything. My senses.”
“And … you’re not … mad? Why didn’t you say anything?” Clark continued, feeling a mixture of incredible relief and heart stopping uncertainty. He searched her eyes carefully, wondering how any of this could be happening so unimaginably different than he’d ever planned for or expected.
For her part, Lois looked down at the ground as the rain continued to fall.
“Yeah, I was mad,” she glanced back up at him and removed his glasses slowly, while he did nothing to stop her. She nodded solemnly. “I was mad and I was hurt and mostly, I was really confused, at first. I spent most of last night–” Her voice trailed off into a whisper. “Well, I was mad.” She continued, and Clark swallowed the growing lump in his chest. “But then … I mean you saved my life for … the millionth time and suddenly I realized … how *hard* it must have been on you, as well. You lied to me Clark. But I wasn’t exactly honest with you, myself. And being here with you tonight, I also realize that nothing has changed about the way I feel about you. I don’t want to let go of that, Clark. I didn’t say anything because I wanted to give you the chance to tell me. I thought that *we* deserved that. After everything. And I *do* understand. I just–I’m going to need a little time to sort this all out.”
She noticed his tortured expression and quickly added. “To get to know you … for who you *really* are. Both of you. And I think that you … and Superman … ” She shook her head, at once a little confused.
Then she looked up at him again with new purpose in her gaze. “You need time to get to know me … *us* … as well. We both know how we *feel* but we don’t know who we *are*, together. Does that make sense?”
She swallowed, her eyes large and glassy, her voice resolute. And Clark’s expression softened from one of worry, to one of understanding.
“Yeah, that makes a lot more sense than you might think.” He smiled softly and Lois was about to do the same when she sneezed and shivered.
“Oh my god, I’m sorry.” Clark stood then, gathering her close. He took her hand and they hurried across the street, in between the columns of a large, Romanesque building. She sneezed again and Clark lowered his glasses, sending a warm beam of heat vision over her body and drying her wet clothing. Lois let out a breath, in awe.
“Thank you.”
He nodded. “So … ” he began slowly. “What happens now? Do we … pretend that we’re just friends again? I mean, just for a while until–”
“Oohh, NO.” Lois came forward, grabbing his shirt as though he were wearing lapels. “I never suggested that.” Her voice grew coy. “And I think we already know that it wouldn’t work out.” She smiled nervously and Clark did the same.
“So … what then?” He swallowed. Lois let go his wet shirt and let her fingers linger over its surface.
“Maybe … ” She moved still forward. ” … we should stop trying to analyze every move we make and start just letting things … happen.” She pressed her fingers against the clearly defined muscles in his chest and felt his arms wrap around her from behind, gently in automatic response.
“Then do you think we should … ” He began, meeting her gaze and finding himself captivated.
“Don’t think.” She whispered softly, falling forward and pressing her lips to his. He met her half way and she sighed into his mouth when she felt his arms tighten around her, deepening the kiss until neither she, nor Clark, were coherent enough to wonder why …