Author: Mulitple
Rated: G/PG
Well, these were Hazel’s idea, in July 2000. And this is how she explained it:
Just about every single fanfic writer has written a revelation story; it’s almost impossible not to. What I’m proposing here, though, are silly revelations — completely unrealistic, roll-your-eyes, plot device stretched out to the wazoo — you get the idea.
There are three rules to this challenge:
1. The “story” must be short: one post only. Lead up to the revelation briefly — we want ten-minute pieces here, not long, thoughtful stories!
2. The revelation should NOT be serious. The sillier, the better.
3. You must have a “hook” from an actual episode. Don’t invent a scene that never happened on the show; instead, take a scene and twist it for your own devious purposes!
– and these are what the Message Board posters came up with!
The Silly Revelations are categorised by episode. Some episode files contain more than one SR, but each is identified by its author.
Tank Wilson
Lois Lane was so preoccupied with her thoughts as she walked down the street that she didn’t realize she was nearly at Clark’s place until a startled scream caught her attention. She had been focused on her worry over the missing Superman. He’d gone out to destroy the Nightfall asteroid but hadn’t been seen since. And to top it off, Clark had gotten himself hit by a car and was suffering a delayed bout of amnesia.
The shout that had pulled her out of her reverie had drawn her attention to the alley behind Clark’s apartment. She had looked up just in time to see Clark hurtling from his upper balcony to the alley below. He hit the ground with a resounding crash, boxes and cans flying.
“Ohmygod, Clark!” Lois ran into the alley and bent over Clark as he lay sprawled among the trash. “Are you hurt bad!”
Accepting the hand Lois offered, Clark got to his feet, brushing off the offending debris as he rose. Lois immediately began to run her hands over his body.
“Where does it hurt? Can you breathe okay?” Lois’ voice was definitely tinged with worry.
“It’s okay, Lois, I’m fine.” Clark captured her roving hands in his.
Lois glanced up at the balcony high overhead, seeing a blushing pair of Kents. Jonathan and Martha were watching the scene unfolding below. Lois brought her attention back to Clark. Wheels started turning in her head. Her eyes narrowed as she placed her hand firmly on Clark’s chest again.
“Tell me, *Clark*, how is it that you are falling off your balcony, and just how did you survive that fall without getting hurt?” Lois stepped back, crossed her arms in front of her chest and cocked an eyebrow at him.
Clark slowly glanced up at Martha, then back down to Lois. “You’ll have to ask my mother.”
– The End –
SuperMom
Lois knew she had to talk with Superman before she could answer Lex’s proposal. Only after she knew where she stood with him could she make a decision.
After work, she had eaten a light supper, bathed and put on her nightgown, hoping that Clark had been able to get in touch with Superman and that he would show up at her window tonight as he had so many nights before. Just as she was thinking he might not come, she heard the familiar swoosh and turned to see him climbing down from the window she had purposefully left open.
“Come in. I’ll just put on a robe,” Lois invited, turning to head toward her bedroom.
“Unless it’s lined with lead, Lois, it’s a waste of time,” he remarked in a manner quite uncharacteristic of Superman.
“Superman, is there any hope for us? You and me? I’m so completely in love with you, I can’t do anything else without knowing,” Lois implored, putting her hands on his shoulders and gazing into his deep dark eyes.
“Lois, I do care for you,” he admitted. “But there are things about me that you don’t know, that you may never know.”
Never one to give up without a fight, Lois countered his comment. “But it doesn’t matter. I know you. I don’t mean you the celebrity or you the superhero. If you had no powers at all, if you were just an ordinary man, living an ordinary life, I would love you just the same. Can’t you believe that?”
Superman closed his eyes, mulling over in her last comment. Taking a deep breath, he looked Lois squarely in the eye and queried her once more, “You’d love me if I were just an ordinary man?”
“Oh yes, I would. Please believe me, Superman. You *have* to believe me,” Lois begged.
“Well, Lois, I AM an ordinary man, and you’re an ordinary woman. Do you want me to draw you a diagram?”
“A diagram?” Lois asked, puzzled at his remark. Then her eyes widened as she remembered a conversation from a few months earlier. “A diagram indeed! Clark…!”
– The End –
LabRat
Lois folded her arms and glared after her partner as he vanished into the shadows.
“Cheese of the month? Clark?”
A soft whoosh from behind her turned her around. Just in time to see a familiar figure in red and blue alight on the stoop beside her.
“Superman! Clark? Clark, it’s – oh – ” She forgot about Clark and turned her full attention on the superhero. “Were you looking for me?”
The superhero looked at her, seeming to weigh something. “Yes, Lois, I wanted to…” He paused and then sighed heavily. “I really *don’t* want to do this,” he mumbled. “Who’d have thought she was so good at playing poker? And then holding me to that bet! Why was I dumb enough to let her tie me down to that darn bet! I knew I should have used my x-ray vision on those cards of hers. Then I wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“Superman? Are you okay?” Lois asked, puzzled and a little concerned by his uncharacteristic manner. Superman never mumbled. And he certainly never mumbled random nonsense.
“Yeah, it’s just…oh, darn it. Lois…it’s me.”
“You? Well, I know it’s you, I mean – ”
“No. Me. Clark.”
“Huh?”
“Me. Clark. I am Superman. There. Now you know. And I hope you’re happy, wherever you are,” he added, seemingly to himself.
“What?”
Clark muttered something unintelligibly and spun back into his civvies. Lois stared at him wide eyed.
“You…you’re…Superman?!”
“Yeah,” Clark agreed patiently. “That’s what I said.”
“But…well, why didn’t you tell me this before?!”
“Look, let’s just say telling you I’m Superman helps out a friend and leave it at that.”
“What friend?” Lois demanded, instantly suspicious.
“No one you know. A friend of Bernie’s. Me fessing up like this out of the blue without any plausible explanation, rhyme or reason, saves her a lot of hard work, thinking and suchlike, that’s all, let’s her off the hook. Look, why don’t we go inside and I’ll explain everything…”
“But Super…Clark…I don’t understand…! You mean you’ve been…*him* all this time and you never…how could you not tell me you were and anyway – ”
Lois continued to protest as Clark took her by the elbow and guided her into his apartment. He paused momentarily, before he followed her inside, glancing over his shoulder and out into the night that was Metropolis.
“Okay, you little rodent, you owe me one,” he muttered. “And the next time you want to play poker, you can go jump through a hoop!” he added, before straightening his shoulders, closing the door, and steeling himself for the long evening ahead.
The End
Bethy Em
“Wow.” That was all she said. It was all that was needed.
“I know,” Clark replied.
“That was. . .” Lois began exactly as Clark said, “I mean. . .”
“Exactly!” She replied. “The only think I’d like more would be. . .”
“. . .more.” Clark finished the thought for her.
They dove right back into their lovemaking, both too distracted to hear the hushed voices outside the front door.
“Lasagna?” a male voice whispered.
“Check.” A female voice responded in kind.
“French bread?”
“Check.”
“Green bean casserole?”
“Check.”
The male sighed. “Well, I guess all that’s left to do is pick the lock, put the stuff in the freezer and leave a note to surprise them.”
“I don’t know, Jimmy. Are you sure we should be doing this? What if they’re home?”
“Come on, Lucy, they’re on their honeymoon. They’re probably relaxing on the beach in Hawaii, totally oblivious to the rest of the world. Besides, a surprise dinner will be a great welcome home present for them. And remember, you did agree to this. Now let’s go.”
He deftly picked the lock and cautiously entered the apartment. Lucy followed with a mixed expression of nervousness and suspicion.
“Hey, Jimmy?”
“Yeah?”
“If you’re so sure they’re gone, why are we whispering?” She hissed at him as they made their way to put their burdens in the freezer.
“I don’t know!” he replied in exasperation. Suddenly both heads shot up.
“What was that?!?” Lucy let out a small yelp.
“I don’t know,” Jimmy answered. “You stay here. I’ll go check it out.”
He headed towards the bedroom — where they’d both heard the noise. On his way he grabbed the closest thing he could find for protection — a pillow off the couch. Gingerly he opened the door, brandishing the pillow in front of him. Surprised, he found nobody there.
“Oh, Clark!”
Jimmy could swear he heard Lois’s voice, but where was she? He realized the exclamation seemed to have emanated from above him and he slowly looked up.
* * *
Jimmy casually exited the bedroom, carefully shutting the door behind him. “Come on, Lucy, we’ve got to go.”
“What’s wrong? What was it?” She was worried, yet felt some relief at his composed demeanor.
In the voice one uses to make a mundane statement like “I saw a ladybug on the windowsill,” he replied. “Oh, nothing… Just Lois and Clark making love on the ceiling.”
– The End
Hazel
Clark hefted the mallet and eyed the bell. He *was* going to hit it this time, he *would* manage it somehow!
Just as he swung the mallet down with all his might, he felt a sudden surge of incredible strength flood his being. His powers had just switched back on!
It was too late to control the swing. The mallet splintered into pieces as it crashed down, and the ball shot up with such power that it smashed its way through the bell, soaring up into the clear sky and rapidly disappearing from sight. Pieces of the bell rained to the ground around the shocked foursome.
Clark looked at his parents. His parents looked back at him. Then they all slowly turned to look at the open-mouthed Lois.
Clark smiled feebly at her. “So, Lois, do you want the bear or the doll?”
– The End –
*******
Yvonne Connell
Lois plunged her hands excitedly through the polystyrene packing material, searching for the precious prize hidden within. Her hand encountered the contents and she glanced up furtively to check if her partner was anywhere in the vicinity. Good – he was still over at the coffee machine. She was looking forward to savouring his expression when she sprung this on him.
She lifted her prize carefully out and, holding it behind her back, strolled casually over to him.
“Hey, Clark, bet you’ll never guess what your friend Rachel found for me!” she called smugly as she approached him.
He looked up, eyeing her warily. “Lois, what are you hiding behind your back?”
“Ha! Something that isn’t supposed to exist, that’s all.” She brought the glowing rock out from behind her with a flourish. “Ta da!”
<thud>
“Clark? I know it’s a surprise, but…Clark, are you listening to me?”
– The End –
************
Cookie
As Clark came out of the water Lois got a look at his face before he put his glasses back on. She hurried around the car from Rachel.
“Lois,” said Clark.
Lois slapped him then whispered, “How could you, Clark or should I say Superman.”
Clark looked over where his parents were . “Ugh, just a minute Lois.
“You come back here, Clark. I mean right now,” said Lois.
“I will, Lois, as soon as I untie my folk,” said Clark, hurrying away.
Lois murmured to herself, “How dumb am I. He is only using glasses to fool the world; boy is he in trouble.”
– The End –
Tank Wilson
[Author’s note: This one comes under that revelation just missed heading, with a slightly evil Tank twist.]
Clark was alarmed as he suddenly heard the motion outside the door coming toward them. He quickly tossed the camera and tripod onto the bed and threw the covers over them. He then forced a very surprised Lois Lane down onto the bed and placed his lips over hers.
“Clark! what? mmmpfh…”
Clark kept one ear open as he heard the door open and the maid enter.
“Oh my, I just brought some – extra – towels,” said the maid, blushing.
A smile broke out on the older woman’s face as she took in the sight of the young couple, so obviously in love, in front of her. They don’t even know I’m here, she thought to herself as she picked the bundle of towels back up and headed for the bathroom.
What was she doing? thought Clark, as he heard her head for the bathroom. She should have excused herself and left immediately. Suddenly his train of thought was distracted by the fact that he felt Lois beginning to respond to his kiss. Not wanting to disappoint his partner, Clark, deepened his own kiss, yet kept a small part of his concentration on the doing’s of the maid as she puttered around in the other room.
Finally, the maid came out of the bathroom. By this time Lois was squirming in Clark’s grasp and clawing at his back. Good, Lois, good, thought Clark again. This will really sell our newlywed cover to this busybody maid, who just wouldn’t leave!
After spending another few moments watching Lois and Clark in the throes of their mock passion, the woman sighed, wiped a tear from her eye and left quietly the way she had come in.
“Thank god, she finally left, Lois.” Clark found he was nearly out of breath. Out of breath!
“Lois? – Lois!”
Lois lay back on the bed, unmoving, her body limp. There was no rise and fall of her chest. Clark checked for a pulse.
“Oh no!” he wept. “Not again!”
– The End –
**And another version of the same story:**
Clark was alarmed as he suddenly heard the motion outside the door coming toward them. He quickly tossed the camera and tripod onto the bed and threw the covers over them. He then forced a very surprised Lois Lane down onto the bed and placed his lips over hers.
“Clark! what? mmmpfh…”
Clark kept one ear open as he heard the door open and the maid enter.
“Oh my, I just brought some – extra – towels,” said the maid, blushing.
A smile broke out on the older woman’s face as she took in the sight of the young couple, so obviously in love, in front of her. They don’t even know I’m here, she thought to herself as she picked the bundle of towels back up and headed for the bathroom.
What was she doing? thought Clark, as he heard her head for the bathroom. She should have excused herself and left immediately. Suddenly his train of thought was distracted by the fact that he felt Lois beginning to respond to his kiss. Not wanting to disappoint his partner, Clark, deepened his own kiss, yet kept a small part of his concentration on the doing’s of the maid as she puttered around in the other room.
Finally, the maid came out of the bathroom. By this time Lois was squirming in Clark’s grasp and clawing at his back. Good, Lois, good, thought Clark again. This will really sell our newlywed cover to this busybody maid, who just wouldn’t leave!
After spending another few moments watching Lois and Clark in the throes of their mock passion, the woman sighed, wiped a tear from her eye and left quietly the way she had come in.
“Thank god she finally left, Lois.” Clark found he was nearly out of breath. Out of breath!
“Lois? – Lois!”
Lois lay back on the bed, unmoving, her body limp. There was no rise and fall of her chest. Clark was beginning to panic when suddenly Lois coughed and drew in a long ragged breath.
Clark cradled her head in his hands, the worry clearly etched on his face.
“Clark? What happened?”
“Oh Lois, I’m so sorry, I sometimes forget myself.”
Lois tried to shake the confusion out of her head as she focused on the clearly upset partner of hers. “I can’t believe it. You nearly suffocated me with that kiss! I’ve never known anyone who could hold their breath that long.” Lois reached up and pulled off his glasses. “No one, that is, except… Superman.” Her voice betrayed the wonder of her own recognition.
Clark wiped at a stray tear. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am, Lois.”
She placed her finger on his lip. “Shhh, it’s all right, I’m all right.”
Clark shook his head in obvious self loathing. “But, Lois, you could have died!”
A small smile crept across her face as she reached up and pulled his face back down to hers. “Yeah, but what a way to go.”
– The End –
********
Hazel
Clark slid his glasses down his nose and aimed a quick glance at the couch. His fears were confirmed: there was, indeed, a bomb tucked under the cushion — and it was three seconds away from detonation.
There was no time to think of anything even remotely clever. He dashed over to the couch at super-speed and sat down on top of the bomb just as it went off. The couch lifted spasmodically off the floor, then settled back into place.
“Clark?” Lois turned around. “What are you just sitting around for? Come give me a hand!”
“Of course, Lois,” he said, getting up and hurrying forward. As he passed her, Lois’ eyes widened. There was a huge hole in the seat of his trousers, revealing red briefs and blue tights underneath!
– The End –
Wendy Richards
Lois was getting more and more angry with Clark as the evening wore on. It seemed that she couldn’t even ask him to pass the peanuts without him making some snippy remark aimed at her, or at Lex Luthor, and she just wasn’t going to stand for it any more.
She leaned towards him, saying, “Clark, can I have a word with you, in private?”
He followed her to a quiet corner of the restaurant; she barely waited until he’d joined her before hissing furiously at him, “You’re ruining Perry’s retirement dinner!”
He stared back at her. “Me? I’m not the one gloating over my new job.”
She gave him an incredulous look. “Gloating?!
“All you can talk about is your new life at LNN with Lex Luthor!” he threw back at her.
He was just jealous, he had to be; there was no other explanation for it, Lois knew. And it was childish and unacceptable, even if he was… used to be… her best friend. “And all you can do is sit around whining in your beer,” she retorted, not caring whether he was hurt.
Clark shook his head, his disgust apparent by the gesture.
“What?” she demanded.
“You’re afraid,” he pronounced.
Staring at him in amazement, she hit back. “I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Yes, you are,” he insisted, to her annoyance. “You’re afraid of the truth. And the truth is that Lex Luthor may be hiding from you what really happened at the Planet. I’ve been doing some digging and…”
But she refused to listen to any more. Clark’s jealousy was causing him to become deluded, to refuse to see things as they really were. She interrupted him with, “I know why you’re doing this.”
“You do, huh?
“Yes,” she told him. “You told me your feelings and you were hurt.”
He blinked. Then he stood, moving back from her a little, and his posture seemed to alter subtly: taller, more rigid, more… threatening. “Yes, that’s true,” he told her quietly. “But you told me your feelings too, and you were hurt, which makes me feel just a little better. And next time you’re tempted to tell Superman you’d love him if he was an ordinary man, remember that you turned me down. Treat it as a life lesson.”
Lois stared at her partner… Clark… Superman?!
He was striding from the restaurant without a backward glance; she knew she’d made a complete mess of everything. She was in love with Superman; Clark was Superman; and Clark had told her he loved her, yet she’d rejected him.
But just one darned minute… what was that he’d said to her? She tore out of the restaurant in his wake, all thoughts of Lex Luthor forgotten.
“Clark Kent! Just you come back here!” she muttered furiously under her breath. “You’re no ordinary man, so don’t try to pretend you are! And what was that you said about a lead-lined robe? How dare you fly off on me when I wasn’t finished speaking to you! *Come back!!!*”
– The End –
Hazel
The trio stiffened at the brisk rap at the door. Clark tipped his head slightly downward and looked over the edge of his glasses, then turned to the others.
“It’s Reed.”
“How do you know?” Lois demanded.
“Uh… that was a police kind of knock.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Yes, it was.”
“No, it wasn’t!” Lois moved over to the coffee table. “*This* is a police kind of knock!” She banged imperiously. “And this is someone trying to sell you Girl Scout Cookies!” She gave a little rappity-rap-rap.
“Uh, what do we do about the people at the door?” Eugene asked nervously.
Lois ignored him as she moved down the length of the coffee table towards Clark. “And this is someone trying to sell you life-insurance!” Her knuckles sounded out an infuriatingly cheerful tattoo. “And this is one of Lucy’s boyfriends, thinking she still lives here!” She drummed two fists in a demanding rhythm.
“Could we please get back to the people on the other side of the door?” Eugene asked with a hint of desperation. He headed for the window to see if there was a police car parked outside.
This turned out to be a good thing, because he missed the next minute of byplay. By now, Lois had reached Clark, and she glared at him angrily. “And *this* is *you*!”
Before he could react, she “knocked” hard on his forehead —
— and then jumped back with a yelp, shaking her hand.
“Ow! OW!” She nursed her knuckles. “What is your forehead made out of, Clark? Steel?”
She stopped short and looked at him hard. He could practically see the wheels turning in her head.
Uh oh.
“So you know it’s Reed at the door, huh?” she said, her voice deceptively soft. “Tell you what. You go take Eugene into my room. Hide out on that ledge outside the window. I know it’s too small for two, but that won’t be a problem for you, will it?”
Clark opened his mouth, then shut again.
“That’s a good man of steel.” She patted his forehead where she’d knocked earlier. “And then, Clark Kent, you and I are going to have a TALK.”
As Clark headed for the bedroom with Eugene and Lois went to let Reed in, he cast a longing glance at the door. Too bad he couldn’t risk Eugene getting caught; it would’ve been nice to get arrested right then, and hopefully placed in a holding cell as far away from Lois as possible…
– The End –
Wendy Richards
“You are watching the Magic Channel.”
“You are watching the Magic Channel.”
“You are watching the Magic Channel.”
Lois’s eyes had begun to glaze over within thirty seconds of hearing that rhythmic, soporific voice repeat the same phrase over and over. All she wanted to do was… sleep… let herself… relax… shut down all brain functions….
But suddenly there was an insistent voice shouting at her, calling her name, shaking her shoulders and demanding that she wake up. She mentally pushed the irritating intrusion away, her attention refocusing on the comforting voice occupying her consciousness. It was so wonderful to be able to make the world go away….
Suddenly the comforting voice was gone, and Lois came to a startled realisation of her surroundings. She was in a cold basement, seated on a sofa next to a small boy – the missing child, she realised – and Superman had just terminated the television with extreme prejudice. He turned to face her and told her that the TV had been transmitting subliminal messages.
She stared at him, noticing for the first time something strange about him; those eyes, those soft brown eyes which held an almost hypnotic quality. Brown eyes, compelling her to look at them, to drown in their depths, to go with him wherever he wanted… Brown eyes. Vibrant, radiant eyes… mud-brown eyes… **You are watching the… the….**
Tearing her gaze away with a snort of disgust, she retorted, “Subliminal messages? Come on, Clark, I told you there’s no such thing as magic!”
– The End –
Gerry Anklewicz
Missed Revelation
Clark entered Lex Luthor’s ballroom and made his way over to Lois who was sitting at the bar nursing a glass of champagne. She was lost in thought, stirring the champagne with her finger and then sucking off the excess liquid.
Clark moved in behind her.
“A date with Superman, huh?” Clark asked pointedly.
“What are you doing here? Barn dance let out early?” Lois asked backed, not letting him get away with his sarcasm.
Trying to keep pace with Lois’s acerbic tongue, Clark added, “I filed the Morris story. You’re very welcome.”
There was no response from Lois for a moment or two. Her mind was elsewhere and Clark had a good idea where.
“I was saving for Tahiti,” she finally said, mainly to herself. “But a date with Superman…” she paused to savour the idea, “that would have been a real adventure. Oh, Clark.” She partially acknowledged him. “He doesn’t even know I’m alive. Maybe it was stupid of me to think he really cared.”
Clark looked in front of him, not seeing anything and thought how ironic her words were. If she only knew. If only he could tell her. ‘Why not?’ he thought.
“Not so stupid, Lois. Did you ever think that maybe I’m afraid to reveal myself…my true feelings?”
Clark was afraid to look at Lois, worried what her action would be in such a public place. He waited, but there was no reaction. He turned some more and looked at Lois who was staring into her champagne glass, once again mixing the bubbly liquid with her finger. She probably hadn’t heard him. ‘Better that way,’ he rationalized.
“Come on. I’ll put you in a cab.” Clark said.
***
Clark leaned over the window of the cab and gave the driver Lois’s address and enough money to cover the ride and the tip. As he closed the door, he muttered, “Yes, Lois, there is such a thing as an invisible man.”
The End –
***********
Chris Mulder
This can’t be happening, Clark thought. It can’t be real. It just can’t be!
<It feels real, though.>
The Daily Planet bull pen looked real, too, as did Perry, Jimmy, Cat and Lois. Except that they were all in Super suits, or at least some approximation thereof, this could be just like any other day, er, night at the office.
No! He needed to get a grip on reality here. And the reality was that none of his friends were supposed to be here! They’d all gone home; tired after a long day of following up leads. Clark could remember saying goodnight to each of them before returning to the notes he was typing.
They *had* left … hadn’t they? Yes, he was sure of it! Lois had been disgusted with the whole idea of an Invisible Man, Jimmy had been sniffling after being caught out in the rain, and Perry had been muttering about some play his wife was dragging him to. Cat had left even earlier than the rest of them, as her plans for the evening had included no less than three social functions. Clark felt himself blushing as he recalled the way she’d modeled the barely-there dress she had bought.
Yet, now they were all back at the Planet: Perry and Jimmy looking like some weird Halloween versions of Superman, Lois resembling a kind of corporate Superwoman, and as for Cat? Well … uh, Cat’s outfit would be more likely to *cause* a 50-car pile up than to be useful in helping to clear up one.
Clark tore his eyes away from Cat’s swiveling hips, deciding that he needed to focus on his work. <Reality. I need reality.> But, when he looked at his computer screen he was astounded to find it blank! Where had his article gone?
The sound of typing caught his attention and he turned in Lois’s direction. She appeared to be typing away on something, but a quick glance told Clark that her screen, too, was blank. *What* was going on here?
“Mr. White? Jimmy?” Clark called out, his confusion and fear evident in his voice. He was hoping that one of the others could explain things. Why were they all dressed like that? How had they gotten in without him seeing or hearing them? And, most importantly, why were they doing this?
Was it to tease him because he’d been misleading them all this time? Maybe they wanted to taunt him with their knowledge of his secret identity. Or perhaps they only suspected that he was Superman and wanted to trick him into revealing himself?
“Lois! What’s going on?”
“It’s *super* time!” she answered him in a little girl, high-pitched voice that was totally unlike her usual business-like tone. She got out of her chair, smiling inanely at Clark and then began to rise into the air.
She was flying! Lois was *flying!*
This *must* be some sort of dream, or hallucination, or something. <Oh, please! let it be a dream!>
Clark practically leaped out of his chair, noticing as he did so that he was wearing his trench coat over his shirt and jeans. <When did I put this on?>
“Lois, where are you going?”
“It’s time for my flying lesson,” she answered, still in that same unreal tone of voice.
“Lois!” Clark watched helplessly as Lois rose higher and higher. Perry and the other two were now laughing uncontrollably. Clark could barely hear himself think, and he couldn’t get the others to listen to him.
“Mr. White …?” “Jimmy …!”
………………..
“CLAAAARK!”
At the sound of Lois’s scream, Clark’s nightmare ended abruptly. He woke with a start to find himself floating above his chair at the Daily Planet, and gaining altitude rapidly. Though groggy, he was still able to note that Lois apparently could have … elevating effects on him, even in his sleep.
Willing himself “down,” but not yet awake enough to have adequately filed a flight, er, landing plan, Clark plunged towards his chair more quickly than the manufacturer had allowed for, with predictable results.
Wide awake now, he stared up at Lois, the ruins of his chair scattered underneath and about him, knowing from the varying expressions on her face that this was one time he wasn’t going to be able to palm her off with some lame excuse. He watched apprehensively as she opened her mouth several times, but each time only a word or two escaped.
“How did y–?” with doubt. “I … I can’t–” with disbelief. “You-you’re Su–!” with wonder. “*You’re* Super–?” with annoyance.
Her face reflected her quickly changing thoughts and moods. Clark shifted uncomfortably beneath her increasingly angry gaze, his recent dream still fresh in his mind. The only good thing about all this was that the Daily Planet’s skeleton night crew seemed to have all gone for an early morning snack, because he and Lois were the only ones in the newsroom at this ungodly hour of 2 am.
Why, oh why, he chastised himself, couldn’t he have gone home when he felt tired, instead of putting his head down on his desk? Why did he have to sleep so deeply that he’d floated? And what, for goshsakes, did Lois mean by coming here in the middle of the night and scaring people who were minding their own business?
He risked glancing up at her again, and was surprised to see that the annoyance on her face had been replaced by speculation. She had folded her arms and was staring down at him. He braced himself for what was coming next. <A nuclear meltdown will be a piece of cake after this!>
“Clark, I came looking for you because that so-called Invisible Man is at my apartment, and I wanted to say ‘I told you so’ to your face.” Lois paused, glancing up at where Clark had been floating, before redirecting her gaze to his present location. She bent to pick up one of the splintered slats from the back of the chair and then balanced it in her hand for a moment while Clark held his breath.
“I would *love,*” she told him finally, a wicked gleam of amusement brightening her eye, “to be a fly on the wall in Perry’s office when you submit a request for another chair.”
The End <g>
*********
SuperMom
After a harrowing night, Alan Morris and Lois Lane both lay asleep in Clark Kent’s apartment. Suddenly Lois stirred, aware of the presence of someone in the room. Turning toward the bedroom area, she realized who it was.
“Superman!”
“Sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I ran into Clark at the courthouse and he said…”
“Clark? Did he leave? What’s he doing at the courthouse?” Lois asked him.
“…the Hall of Records,” Superman explained. “He said something about researching the past activities of Barnes’s gang. He said you could use my help.”
Lois rose from her cramped position on Clark’s floor and smiled. “Oh, we can.”
His tone softening, Superman moved closer to Lois and said, “You don’t need to bid for my attention, Lois.”
“You saw me there?” Lois asked, surprised. “I didn’t think you noticed. I thought I was just another face in the crowd.”
Reaching forth to stroke her face, Superman’s voice dropped even lower. “You’ll always be special to me, Lois.”
“I will?” she asked, her voice and eyes questioning his comment.
“You’re the first woman who ever…” Superman halted as he watched Lois’s face, her smile widening and her eyes beaming. “…interviewed me.”
At that moment, Alan Morris awoke on the couch and stood up. “I can’t believe my eyes,” he said in amazement. “Is that really Superman?”
“Good morning, Alan,” Superman greeted him. “I need some information from you.”
“Anything,” Alan answered, eager to help the Man of Steel.
The sudden ringing of the telephone halted the conversation. Lois watched as Superman turned and walked to the phone hanging on the wall, his cape billowing behind him.
“Hello, Clark Kent’s residence,” he answered in his authoritative voice.
Lois continued to watch as Superman’s posture suddenly slackened, a smile crossed his face, and he said, “Oh, hi Mom! How are you and….”
Quickly realizing what he had said, Superman stopped in mid-sentence, turned, and stared into the stunned face of Lois Lane.
“Hi Mom?” she asked angrily. “Clark???”
– The End –
**********
SuperMom
As Clark turned to leave Lois’s apartment, Alan Morris in tow, he glanced back at Lois and noticed that her bathrobe had parted in front, revealing a bright blue Superman nightshirt.
“Not you too, Lois,” he groaned, shaking his head.
— A year later —
Lying on his couch, Clark half-heartedly watched a basketball game on television while doing a little fancy dribbling of his own, using his superbreath to make the ball hover in mid-air over him. Hearing a knock at the door, he blew the ball back over his head, causing it to bank off the stair railing and newel post to land in a nearby wastebasket.
“Nothin’ but net!” he exclaimed as he rose from the couch, grabbing his glasses from where he’d left them on top of the day’s copy of the Daily Planet. Jogging up the stairs to his front door, he heard Lois’s familiar voice call his name.
Clark opened the door and Lois stumbled in backwards, dressed in jeans and an oversized T-shirt with a ball cap pulled low over her forehead. In one hand she balanced two pizza boxes and 3 video cases, and in the other she carried a six-pack of sodas.
“Lois, it’s after eleven,” Clark commented.
“I know it’s late. I’m sorry but…” Lois began.
She turned toward Clark to finish her sentence and noticed Clark dressed in shorts and a T-shirt — a Superman T-shirt. Remembering the grief he had given her over her Superman nightshirt, she decided to return a little of that to him.
Thrusting the sodas into his hand, she reached out and placed her hand on his chest.
“Clark, not you too!” she smirked. Then her hand began to feel the broad muscles underneath it, tightly covered by the bright blue material of the T-shirt emblazoned with a big red and yellow “S”.
“Clark!!!!!!! You’re…”
– The End –
Hazel
“I’m afraid you’ll have to take a raincheck on those checks, boys.”
“Really?” one of the thugs challenged the superhero. “What if we don’t want to?”
Superman blinked, and his entire stance changed abruptly. “Maybe nothing,” he conceded casually. “I mean, they’ll just have to reissue them, so what do I care?”
The crooks exchanged gleeful expressions and started toward their getaway car. Then a sudden frown crossed Superman’s face. “Well, actually, I *do* care. That’s *my* paycheck in that truck, and I need to pay my rent!”
He zipped over to the slack-jawed thieves and soon had them securely trussed in their own jackets. Various items fell out of the jacket pockets, including a small lead box. Superman looked at, shrugged indifferently, and kicked it into the gutter.
Lois watched the entire scene with an incredulous expression. “His paycheck…?” she repeated softly. Then, as the truth dawned, her eyes narrowed and she marched forward.
The last thief saw her over Superman’s shoulder and cringed. He wasn’t sure which person would be worse to confront: Superman, or *her*.
– The End –
************
SuperMom
“Hey! Take your hands off of me,” exclaimed Perry White as the masked thugs grabbed him in the Daily Planet’s parking garage. Suddenly he spotted Superman and a big grin crossed his face.
“Too bad Superman’s here, fellas. I was just getting ready to do a tap dance on your heads,” bragged Perry. At that moment, one of the thugs, still in their get-away van, opened a box containing a glowing red rock.
“Go ahead. Tap dance,” said Superman. “Or conga, or whatever,” he added. “Just what would you do if I wasn’t here?” And with that Superman watched as Perry was hustled into the van and driven away.
A flurry of movement caught Superman’s eye in the far corner of the garage, and upon inspection, he found an attractive young woman herding a group of cocker spaniels from the back of her automobile. As Lois caught up with him, she overheard him conversing with the woman.
“So, is that Tiffany with an “i” or a “y”?” Superman asked the shapely blonde as she was pulled along by her canine charges.
“Superman!” exclaimed Lois. “Aren’t you going to go after them? What about Perry?”
“Don’t have a stroke, Lois,” he replied, in a condescending manner. “That’s what the police are for.” And he continued walking with the blonde, picking up their conversation where he had left off before Lois’s interruption.
Lois shook her head in dismay at the changes that had taken place with Superman. Or perhaps “Stuperman” would be a more appropriate title for him these days. First the armored car robbery and now Perry’s kidnapping. As she continued to watch Superman, she saw him reach down to pet the dogs. She might not be very happy with him right now, but apparently the dogs loved him. And he appeared to like them too. A broad grin crossed his face as he interacted with the animals, scratching each one behind it’s ears and allowing them to lick his hands and face. She realized though that this little scene of farmyard contentment wasn’t going to get Perry back so she left the garage and went to call the authorities.
–the next morning —
The headline heralding the arrest of Bill Church, Jr. carried the byline of Perry White, something that hadn’t been seen on the front page of the Daily Planet in many years. Lois and Clark both congratulated Perry on his journalistic coup and then retreated to allow Perry to field one of the many phone calls that had been pouring in all morning.
“So, how about some lunch, Lois?”
“Sure. Okay,” Lois replied, at least happy that Clark seemed back to normal. Whatever funk had descended upon Superman had also seemed to affect Clark, but now both men seemed all right. After riding the elevators to the lobby and exiting through the tall, revolving front doors, the pair turned left and headed toward a favorite deli. Lois was dreaming of a pastrami sandwich with coleslaw and a cream soda when her reverie was suddenly disturbed by a bump from behind and what felt like a wet nose against her stocking-clad leg.
“Wha…?” she questioned, turning to see what had assaulted her. At that moment she was met by the sight of Clark, kneeling on the sidewalk, being licked by a pack of cocker spaniels. A feeling a déjà vu began to creep over Lois and she lifted her eyes to look at the person on the other end of those leashes. Before she could look though, her brain had processed the plethora of information being fed it and she knew exactly who would be standing there.
Striding over to Clark, she planted her feet firmly on the concrete, grabbed him by the shoulder and gave him a jerk.
“So, Clark,” she purred, through clenched teeth. “Should I be *angry* with an “i” or a “y”?”
– The End –
Veronica
“Java, Java, Java…”
Lois was on a mission. And you know what happens when she is on a mission. Nothing stops her.
Lois decided to solve the coffee mystery. It seemed odd to her every day the cup of coffee Clark brought to her in the morning was still warm by the night. Of course, Lois is a busy person and usually only takes half a sip of her coffee before she runs out the door.
Lois’ experiment was to see if the coffee she got from Clark every morning would stay warm all day or if it would work for any cup of coffee. Also, did the type of cup make a difference?
So, she started her experiment. She purposefully left her coffee out in the open so she could watch it. At about noon, Clark ran out the door for some hot story. He phoned it into her at about one o’clock. Lois always drinks her coffee when she is typing, so she picked up her coffee and found it cold. She thought it was very strange, since her coffee was always warm. Clark returned about a half hour later. Lois finished the story and called Clark over to edit it. As he was editing it, she picked up her coffee while she was watching him edit her copy. The coffee was warm again. She thought that maybe the coffee liked to be warm when Clark was around, so she added that variable to her experiment.
Finally, after weeks of experimenting, she came up with the results that no matter what type of coffee or coffee cup she used, it was only warm when Clark was around.
So, Lois confronted Clark about it. She slammed her cup of coffee down next to Clark and said, “Clark, why is my coffee always warm when you are around?”
“Uhhh… I have no idea Lois.”
“Oh, come on Clark! I have been testing my theory for weeks and I know, for a fact, that no matter what coffee I get, it’s always warm because you’re around. And, I know it’s not just from your warm and caring personality.”
Clark turned his head around to his computer screen and pretended to be typing something important. He said, “Lois, really, I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Ok Clark, spill it, now!,” Lois shout in his ear.
This shout startled Clark and he tipped over the coffee cup Lois put next to him.
Lois saw the ‘S’ underneath Clark’s wet shirt and went silent.
Clark was very concerned Lois would get upset and angry at him for hiding his secret in front of the newsroom, so he asked, “Lois, I can explain…”
Lois said, her voice dripping with venom, “Well, all I can say is that at least you can follow instructions.” She strode away, leaving a very confused Clark, who realized he had to go home and change quickly before anyone else found out about his “little” secret.
– The End –
*********
Wendy Richards
Lois watched Toni Taylor leave Clark’s apartment. It was after one in the morning, so just what had her partner and that… that gangster’s moll been doing for the past two hours?!
Tempted to follow Taylor, Lois decided instead to see what Clark was up to. If he was really pursuing the story, he might have a new lead.
She tried his door – unlocked. Quietly she pushed it open…
…and saw her partner hovering in the lotus position in the living-room, watching TV.
She screamed.
“Lois!” he yelled, dropping like a stone to the floor.
“Clark… what…?!”
“Umm… I’m practising a new technique…” he stammered hopefully.
She rushed over to him, and grabbed at his shirt. On finding what she’d suspected was underneath, she glared at him. “Next time the bad guys find us in suspicious circumstances, you better come up with a better escape route, *Superman*!”
– The End –
Tank Wilson
Lois Lane unlocked the last latch and opened the door to her apartment. She turned back to her companion with a soft smile on her face. She seemed to search for what to say.
“Okay look, umm, Clark, I had a really nice time.”
Clark Kent returned her smile. “So did I.”
“No really, I had a *really* nice time.” Lois’ smile got wider as a small laugh burst forth. “Probably one of the best times I ever had.”
She found herself staring into the handsome face of her partner. “It wasn’t the funniest, or the wildest, but… ”
“Don’t knock yourself out, Lois.” Clark said, mildly sarcastic, as he leaned closer to her, placing his hand on the door jamb.
Lois’ face seemed to take on a far away look. “It just seemed – to – work.” She found herself drowning in the mahogany pools of Clark’s eyes. She sighed. “It was really nice.”
The two best friends continued to stare into each other’s eyes as time seemed to stand still for a several seconds. Slowly the wistful look on Lois’ face changed to one of apprehension, then fear.
“That’s why I can never see you again!” she cried out in panic as she tried to slam the door shut in the face of her confused partner.
Unfortunately, Clark still had his hand on the door jamb. As the forcefully thrust heavy wooden door struck his steel hard hand the result was inevitable. The crash of the splintering door echoed loudly throughout the apartment and the hallway outside.
“Clark!”
Lois rushed to him and grabbed his hand, carefully checking it over for the smashed bones and mangled flesh she knew she would find. But she didn’t. Lois looked at the ruin of her front door, hanging off one hinge, a large chunk broken out of it where it struck Clark’s hand, then back at Clark.
“Ooops?” Clark blushed furiously, his lips pulled back in an embarrassed grimace.
Lois’ face had undergone a rapid change of emotions. First fear and concern, then confusion, and now a slow understanding seemed to be forming. She cocked her head to one side, her brow rising.
“I think I’ve changed my mind. I think I will *definitely* be seeing you again, maybe for the first time.” Never having let go of his hand, she pulled him fully into the apartment. “Oh, and I expect you to pay for fixing my front door… Superman.”
The End –
JoMurf (Julie Gibson)
“I wonder if he likes pasta salad.” A dreamy look crossed Lois’ face as she picked up the bowl and started towards the bathroom.
“W-W-Wait!” Clark exclaimed.
“What? I’m just going to ask him.”
“The guy just got out of the shower!”
Lois turned back around, turned the radio on and started to taking the items she had brought out of the bag while Clark went to check on the Man of Steel.
Hearing footfalls a second later, Lois whipped around amazed at the sight of the man in the suit with a towel around his shoulders pouring water out of a tea kettle. “Clark Kent! What are you doing in Superman’s clothes? And what is that water for …” Her words faded away as Clark’s hand raised to hair.
“Omigosh! Clark?!”
– The End
Judith Williams
TITLE: (In the manner of Dashiell Hammett): CHEEZ IT; THE JIG IS UP!
Or (as translated by A. Conan Doyle): FLY; ALL IS DISCOVERED!
SCENE: The Newsroom
LOIS: “Clark, have you talked to Superman? Is he all right?”
CLARK: “Well, yeah, briefly. He’s okay. Just nursing some bruises.”
LOIS: “I don’t know why he didn’t contact me.”
CLARK: “Well, . . . maybe he’s embarrassed.”
LOIS: “Embarrassed? Does he think because he couldn’t defeat some robot, it changes the way I feel about him? That’s not what interests me. It’s his intelligence and caring. He has integrity and innate goodness. I mean … he’s a lot like you.”
They stare at each other for a moment, both surprised by what she said. Then suddenly Lois leans forward studying Clark’s face in puzzlement.
LOIS: “He’s a lot like you. He acts like you. He *looks* like you . . .he . . .”
An announcer on the large overhead television news monitor interrupts. “This is a breaking news bulletin. A terrorist is holding hostages in the restaurant atop the Eiffel Tower, threatening to set off a bomb unless his fellow terrorists are released from prison.”
CLARK: “Lois, I have to go.” Lois is bending over him, in his way.
LOIS: “…he *is* you! Go? Don’t you mean ‘fly’, Clark? You know, I thought you just had a weak bladder because you were always ‘going’, but now I know it’s weak integrity. You lied to me. *Superman* lied to me.”
CLARK: “Lois, I know I owe you an explanation, but, right now, I have to go.”
LOIS: “Okay, go! But when you get back, you better be over at my apartment with that explanation . . .and some cheese.”
CLARK: “Cheese?”
LOIS: “Yes, Clark, cheese. Camembert. The best kind. From France. You’re going to be in Paris anyway.”
CLARK: “Not my ‘Cheese of the Month’?”
LOIS: “Only if you never want me to speak to you again. French Camembert, Clark! You bring your explanation, and it better be a good one, and the Camembert to my place. I’ll provide the crackers and the wine. Then we’ll take it from there.”
THE END
Miscellaneous
(ie not attached to any particular episode)
Phil Atcliffe
“Aaahhh!” Lois yelped as the water hit her. It was more surprise than anything that produced the near-squeal, though, because she hadn’t got very wet. *Clark*, on the other hand, had been walking in the traditional “gentleman’s position” — between her and the kerb — and got the lot! He was *drenched*! The stream of high-pressure water from the hydrant caught him right in the belly and splashed all over his front.
The fireman who’d been working on the hydrant was profusely apologetic, so much so that Lois had a hard time not laughing — at him, at Clark’s reaction (somewhere between annoyance and would-you-please-just-go-away!), and at the unfortunate figure that Clark made as he stood there amidst the small pools formed by the water running off him onto the sidewalk.
For his part, Clark found himself in the unusual situation (for him) of not being able to see properly. His glasses were covered in water — as was the rest of him, including his face. This was so unusual in his experience that he almost began to use his heat vision to evaporate the water from the lenses before he remembered where he was, how he was dressed… and who he was with.
Not being able to do anything else, he took them off to clean, turning away from Lois as he did so, but he was so intent on doing the cleaning as quickly as possible that he didn’t realise two things: firstly, that he absent-mindedly slicked his wet hair back with his hand when it fell forwards and dripped onto his face and glasses; and two, that, perhaps in an unconscious attempt to hide, he’d gone into a sort of hunched crouch as he checked his clothing and pockets for something dry to use.
The problem, it turned out, was that this awkward stance looked to Lois as though he might be in pain — maybe even on the verge of collapse. Why, she couldn’t imagine, but Clark looked as though he might really need help, and it shocked her. “Clark!” she cried, suddenly filled with anxiety.
The fear in her voice caught Clark’s attention and, as ever, he responded automatically — and instantly. Which meant that he wheeled to face her *before* he remembered that he didn’t have his glasses on… and that his hair was wet.
The change in Lois’ expression was interesting to watch — if you weren’t Clark. It went from concerned to wide-eyed– no, that was a major understatement; her eyes were *huge*! — to shocked to… well, he wasn’t quite sure *what* to call the final expression before it changed into a perfectly blank poker face.
Clark’s mind raced. Lois knew, that was certain; and, if he knew her (which question had to be one of the biggest puzzles in history), she was going to be mad, *and* want to ask a lot of questions, neither of which was a good thing to have happen right here.
He cast a quick glance about, and was immensely relieved to see that the street was deserted just then — even the fireman who’d caused all the fuss had left. That made things immensely simpler. In a blur that lasted the barest of instants, he spun into the suit, scooped Lois up and shot into the sky, the familiar sonic boom being the only indication that two people had been standing there a second ago.
Once the world came back into focus, Lois found herself comfortably held in Superman’s arms, whizzing along at great speed — not that it felt like it — above the clouds. She looked at his face, but he was staring straight ahead, almost rigidly. She realised that he was deliberately avoiding eye contact, or any other form of communication, at least until they got wherever they were going. That was all right; she could wait…
No-one saw it, because Clark refused to look at her, but Lois’ smile was a remarkable thing — initially serene, it gradually became gleeful… and just a little bit wicked.
Their destination turned out to be the Kent farm. Clark knew that his parents would be out that afternoon, so it was as good a place as he could imagine to have this out with Lois. They landed behind the barn. Superman set Lois down with all the gentleness and caution that he could muster, then stepped back and spun back into Clark — although he left the glasses off. Her eyes widened as she watched him change, and he stepped back a bit further.
He couldn’t for the life of him think of a way to start what was bound to be one of the most important conversations of his life, so he fell back on their working habits. When one of them was stuck on something, they’d tell the other the problem and ask for their opinion, and they’d fallen into the habit of using one particular phrase as a signal for the other one to have their say. Clark used it now: “So… where do we go from here?”
He was ready for anger, hurt, fury, disgust — even fear and loathing. What he wasn’t ready for was *sultry* — so, of course, being Lois, that was what he got from her. She quickly closed the gap between them, sashaying all the way. “Well…” she murmured huskily, “How about…” She pulled his head down and covered his mouth with hers. He was startled at first, but soon relaxed and returned the kiss… and that was *that* for the rest of the day!
Some time during that long afternoon and evening of delight, in a rare moment of lucidity (i.e., when Clark wasn’t kissing her, or doing something even more wonderful), Lois made a mental note to slip the fireman an extra fifty bucks. He’d timed the water *perfectly!*
– The End –
**********
LabRat
Whoosh!
Spin!
Shriek!
Darn!!
Superman!?!
***********
ShayneT
“Clark?”
“Yes, Lois?”
“About these videos you picked out…”
“What about them?”
“Alien, E.T., Born in East L.A….am I seeing a trend here?”
“I guess I’ve always wanted to tell you I was Superman, and this was my way of softening you up…”
“And renting Earthgirls are Easy is supposed to soften me up?”
SLAM
– The End –
************
Zoomway
Jimmy walked purposefully over to Lois’ desk. “Do you have any scotch tape?”
Lois reached into her drawer without looking away from her monitor. She removed the tape dispenser and held it up. “Here you go.”
“Would you mind taping my head back on?”
“No, I don’t .. what?!” Lois asked, finally looking up at the obviously distressed young man standing in front of her desk.
“Look, Lois, I know you love CK and all that, and usually CK is the mellowest guy I know,” he said and sighed, “but he just bit my head off a minute ago, so I figured you guys had a fight.”
“Take it easy, Jimmy,” Lois soothed as she rose from her chair. “Clark and I haven’t been fighting. In fact, we were so tired from that no-show stakeout last night that we had a light supper and went to bed early.”
Jimmy thought a moment. “Then maybe it was something that happened this morning.”
“No,” Lois shook her head. “We got up, took a shower … uh, anyway, he was in a *good* mood, trust me.”
“Then something happened between the shower and now,” Jimmy said and then lowered his voice, “because even the headless horseman has *nothing* on CK right now.”
Lois laughed softly and patted Jimmy’s shoulder. “Okay, I’ll see if I can find out what’s wrong.”
“He’s sitting alone in the conference room.” Jimmy took the tape dispenser. “I’ll keep this just in case.”
Lois shrugged as she approached the conference room. Clark was the least likely person in the world to bite anyone’s head off. Maybe Jimmy was being overly sensitive for some reason, yet as Lois approached the darkened room, she could see her husband poking pencils into an apple. She managed a crooked smile. He was obsessing. The last time Clark had obsessed that badly he had made a paper clip chain long enough to reach the top of the Statue of Liberty. Lois took a deep breath and entered the room.
“Sweetheart?”
“Hm?” Clark replied absently as he stuck another pencil into the apple.
Lois sighed and picked up the odd sculpture. “You know there’s a much better pencil holder on your desk.”
“Sorry, I guess I was distracted.”
Lois took a seat next to Clark and put her hand over his. “Okay, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Lois reached up and tugged his chin so that he was facing her. She locked her eyes with his. “Now tell me it’s nothing.”
“All right,” he relented. He found it impossible to look into her eyes and stretch the truth even by a fraction. “Perry said that Claude would be stopping by for a visit today.”
“Claude?” Lois asked, her tone a bit edgy.
The nervous tinge in her voice didn’t go unnoticed. “I know he’s an ex-boyfriend and so you probably have mixed feelings about …”
“Is revulsion a feeling?”
“I guess so.”
Lois shrugged. “Then I still have feelings for him.”
“Look,” Clark sighed. “I guess what I’m driving at is that maybe I shouldn’t be here when he shows up. You know how I get when I’m … jealous.”
“Clark,” she said tenderly. “There’s *no* reason to be jealous of anyone, but *especially* not of Claude.”
Clark tapped the side of his head. “Up here, I know that, Lois, but here,” he said, tapping his chest, “I go a little crazy.”
“I know,” Lois smiled. “I remember your dart game with Patrick, or x-raying Hank West’s boots for lifts, or handing that hot bomb fragment to Dan, or pushing Max Deter in the chest, or …”
Clark winced with embarrassment as he placed a hand over Lois’ mouth. Did she have to remember *everything*? “The point is,” he said softly and removed his hand, “it will probably be a lot safer for everyone if I’m not here when Claude arrives.”
“Clark, my crush on Claude was years ago.”
Clark was dumbfounded. “Crush? Lois, you said you *slept* with him.”
“I guess I did say that.” The nervousness returned to Lois’ voice. “Technically speaking, though, I did *sleep* with him.”
“What are you trying to say?”
Lois began plucking pencils from Clark’s organic pencil holder. “I guess I was trying to save face, I don’t know. You and I barely knew each other when I told you about Claude. I never brought him up again. Maybe I hoped you’d forget I’d ever mentioned him.”
“Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me that you and Claude never …”
“I had a crush on Claude, but he didn’t know I was alive. He was an older man, French accent, experienced…”
“Experienced?”
“In *journalism*, Clark,” Lois said and rose from her chair. “Anyway, one day, he got plastered, and it wasn’t the first time. Perry said if he showed up drunk again, he’d be fired. So,” she sighed, “I pulled the Florence Nightingale bit. I was going to *save* him. I would sober him up so that he wouldn’t lose his job and he’d be so grateful he’d finally notice me and fall in love with me.”
“And?”
Lois laughed. “Well, I sponged him off the back seat of the cab and half dragged him to my apartment. I started a pot of coffee, but before I could even turn around, he was all over me. I pushed him away, but that just made him more aggressive.”
Clark tensed. “What happened?”
“I told him he didn’t know what he was doing because he was drunk, and he said, ‘no man is ever *that* drunk.’ I panicked and reached backward to the counter. I grabbed the toaster and cracked him over the head with it.”
Clark frowned. “I was hoping for something heavier like a waffle iron, but go ahead.”
“He kind of staggered backward holding his head. I was afraid I might have given him a concussion,” she said and began to pace. “He had a pretty good gash on his head. I tried to steer him to the bathroom so I could put something on the wound, but he collapsed on the bed before I could get him that far.”
“Convenient place to collapse.”
“Clark.”
“Sorry, go on.”
“Well,” she sighed, “all night I kept putting fresh ice packs on his head and checking to see if he was breathing. My crush on Claude was officially over, but I sure didn’t want to go to jail for killing him either.”
“And the ‘sleeping with’ part?”
“Ah,” she nodded. “Some time during the night I dozed off. I woke up the next morning in a pool of ice water because I’d forgotten to put the cap back on the ice pack. There’s not much else to tell. Claude was gone and so was the story I’d been working on.”
“Hmm.”
“Don’t you believe me?”
“I guess so,” Clark said as he pushed away from the table. “It sounds way too humiliating to be a lie.”
Lois laughed as she approached him. “Watch it, Kent, I know where I can get a Kryptonite toaster.”
Clark slipped his arms around her waist. “Will *it* make toast without burning it?”
“You’re asking for it.”
“I know, but please don’t make me beg.”
Lois, still laughing, put her arms around his neck. “You’re gonna get it.”
“Which is more than we can say for Claude.”
The End
Raconteur
Clark struggled to pull on the blue Spandex body suit. ‘Darn bathroom stall,’ he thought to himself. He tried as best as he could to maneuver in the tight space. As he pulled on the red briefs he slipped and lost his balance, driving his elbow through the wall of the stall.
“Gosh darnit!” he huffed in protest. The sound of the door squeaking open and the click of footsteps on tile made him stop dead. ‘Oh God, please go away!’ he thought nervously.
Lois scanned the restroom searching for the source of that extraordinarily innocuous epithet that had been uttered by a distinctly masculine voice. She knew that voice, and who but him would yell out ‘gosh darnit’ in a fit of anger or frustration? She looked under all of the stall doors. Empty, save for the last one, where a pair of red boots gave away his hiding place. She noticed the splintered metal and fiberglass scattered on the floor.
She knocked on the stall door. “Clark, I know that your in a hurry and all, but you really ought to be more careful.”
“Lois?” he cried out. “What are you doing here?” He heard his voice crack. ‘Oh God, could this get more embarrassing?’
“I should ask you the same question. This is the women’s bathroom.” She grinned, certain the Man of Steel’s face was the same shade of crimson as his briefs.
– The End –
*********
Elisabeth
“Did you know it was possible to get hopelessly lost at the Metropolis Waste Reclamation Facility?” Lois asked as she hobbled toward Clark’s desk on one broken
shoe.
Clark bit back a grin as she accused him, “Clark, did you set me up?”
“I did,” he affirmed.
The fury of Mad-Dog Lane quickly boiled over. “Do you know what I’ve been through, Clark Kent? Do you know just how many mosquitoes there are out there?” She pulled her blouse back to reveal dozens of welts across her shoulder. “Thousands! I know. Because I’ve met them.”
She limped even closer to Clark’s desk. And all the while, her wild eyes never left his. Slowly, she reached into her handbag, pulling out a small mayonnaise jar.
“And this one’s for you.”
Cat dove for cover as Lois spun the lid, quickly releasing half a dozen of the dreaded insects in Clark’s face. Most scattered. But one feisty little mama hit the target. It bit Clark right on the end of the nose.
Lois smiled. It felt good to get even.
Then she heard it. The mosquito screamed in horror before dropping over dead.
The senior investigator examined Clark’s nose carefully. There was only one way he could come away from the attack unscathed. Her eyes narrowed.
He was Superman.
– The End –
Kathy Brown
Clark had just finished fixing himself breakfast when he heard a knock at the door. Lois was picking him up on their way to an early morning interview, and she had just arrived a few minutes early. “Come in!” he called from the kitchen.
Lois walked briskly through the front door, ready to give Clark a hard time about not being ready to leave the moment she got there, when the delicious smell of bacon and eggs hit her. “Mmmm,” she said, despite herself. “That smells great.”
Clark just grinned at her and grabbed a second plate from his cupboard. He divided up the eggs and bacon, and set the plates on the table, then he poured a second glass of orange juice for his partner. “Toast?” he asked, breaking his slice in two.
Lois hesitated for only a second. “Oh, what the heck!” she laughed. “I’ll just jog an extra mile on the treadmill tonight.” She sat down at the table and eagerly picked up her fork. Lois had only taken a single bite of the eggs, however, when she frowned. She chewed slowly, first a confused, then a concerned look spreading across her face. Finally, she swallowed and fixed her partner with an intense look. “How did you fix these eggs?” she demanded.
Concerned, Clark quickly tasted his own breakfast. The eggs were fresh, he was sure. He had just picked them up from the farm last night when he’d gone to Smallville for dinner. As he swallowed, he replied, “Lois, the eggs taste fine to me.”
Lois shot him a challenging look. “Clark, you don’t know this about me, but I used to spend my summers with my Aunt Eleanor, who ran a cooking school. While I never was able to get the hang of actually cooking anything, I did do a lot of tasting, and I got to be quite discerning about how foods are prepared. I can tell just from tasting if a food has been grilled, roasted, pan fried, broiled, poached, whatever. And these eggs were not cooked by any of those methods.”
Clark just stared at her, his eyes huge.
“You’ve been holding out on me, Kent,” Lois continued angrily, slamming down her fork. “These eggs have definitely been fried … by eyeballs!”
The End –
***********
Elisabeth
“It’s too bad the pheromone doesn’t work on you,” Lois mused to herself. Then her face filled with wonder. “Does it?”
Clark couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t pass up the opportunity.
He held her face with his hand, swore his undying love for her, and kissed her with all the passion that he had contained for so long.
Lois’ response was slow. Thoughtful.
“Clark?” she asked quietly. “Is that you?”
Superman’s eyes grew wider.
“My goodness!” she exclaimed. “You taste like corn dogs and ding dongs. It’s got to be you, Clark.”
– The End –
Hazel
The door burst open. Lois stared as a magnificent figure, dressed in blue and red, strode into the room. He didn’t even bother glancing at her as he turned towards the beeping device and tore the casing away from the wall.
“Hey, get away from that!” Lois shouted.
He ignored her, peering at the revealed inner workings. The beeping suddenly accelerated.
“What kind of a lunatic are you?” Lois almost shrieked, watching in disbelief as he poked and prodded at the device. “That is a bomb, and you–”
He pulled out the explosive and stuffed it into his mouth!
Lois’ eyes went wide with shock as she heard the muffled *boom* from inside his throat. How could he…?
But instead of dying, he only belched, patted his chest, and gave her an apologetic smile. “Excuse me,” he said.
“Who the–” She stopped and looked at him. “Waaait a minute.” She took a step closer and peered into his face. “Clark Kent, is that you?”
The smile disappeared, and he started backing away from her. “What…?”
“Don’t think you can fool me, Kent! I recognize that burp! You made the same farmboy blech after that Chinese takeout we ate the other night!” She poked him menacingly on the big S on his chest. “I want some explanations, buster, and I want ’em now!”
The End –
*********
Wendy Richards
As he reached the kerb of the busy Metropolis street, Clark’s thoughts were not on his surroundings. Instead, he was reliving those humiliating, heartwrenching few moments in Perry White’s office, when his dreams of a career as a reporter at the Daily Planet had been smashed into the dust. It didn’t matter to him, now, that he’d proved himself over and over in his previous employments, that the editors of other newspapers he’d worked on all had a very high opinion of his abilities. The Daily Planet, the one newspaper he’d always dreamed of working for, had rejected him.
He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he completely failed at first to realise what was happening around him. Then the persistent honking of a vehicle horn attracted his attention, and he looked up the street. A Metropolis Transportation bus was hurtling towards him and the other pedestrians crossing at the intersection, and by the look of things it was not going to stop at the red light. The brakes must have failed, Clark realised.
The driver continued to blare the horn in a desperate attempt to clear the road ahead; they were on a hill, which made it unlikely the bus could simply be slowed down by dint of switching off the engine. Pedestrians screamed and took to their heels.
He should keep out of it, protect his secret… on the other hand, if he didn’t do something, people could die. People *would* die – there were cars crossing the intersection, and there were passengers on the bus who would be thrown about in a collision.
In an instant, he had made up his mind. He stood his ground, and as the bus reached him he held up his hand, his palm hitting the grillwork and forcing the runaway vehicle to jerk to a halt.
There was pandemonium all around, and once he’d checked that the bus was not going to move any further, Clark used the fuss, and the crowds of people now milling around, as cover in order to slip away. Back to the pavement, retrieve his suitcase, and head for his hotel before anyone noticed.
He seized his suitcase, keeping his head down and trying to ignore the near-hysterical voice of the one woman who had seen what he did. With luck, everyone would assume that she was hallucinating or something like that – after all, no human man could do what he had just done.
But then, he wasn’t human….
Suddenly his arm was caught in a firm grasp and a different woman’s voice said urgently, “I saw you do that! Just who are you?”
He glanced around briefly, hoping to shake her off, and realised that it was the woman from the Daily Planet. Lois Lane. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. And now the most dangerous person he had ever met, because she knew his secret.
But she’d barely noticed him at the Planet; with luck she wouldn’t remember who he was. He could get away from her with a little burst of Super-speed, and she would never be able to find him again.
But her grasp of his arm tightened. “Oh no you don’t, Mr Clark Kent! Oh yes, I remember you all right – who could forget Mating Habits of the Knob-Tailed Gecko?! Why do you bother writing about that sort of stuff when you’re the story of the century? You and I have some talking to do, Kent….”
“Oh yeah?” he threw at her in response, recognising that he was well and truly trapped. “Well, these are my rules in that case. I am top banana and you are low woman. I do the talking, you do the listening. And what I say goes in this partnership, okay?”
“Yeah?” she threw back sulkily. “Who died and made you Batman?”
– The End –
*********
Pam Jernigan
“Wait, where are you going? How will I find you?” Lois called out as the costumed hero flew out of the newsroom window.
He turned back, smiling briefly. “I’ll be around.”
Wow. Lois felt as if she were in a daze. Had there ever been such a man … or such a story.
“Did you find out what the ‘S’ stands for?” she heard Cat ask, sardonically.
“Super…” she breathed, then brightened as inspiration struck. “Superman!”
*
Some time later, Lois was on her way up the stairs when the elevator opened to reveal Clark. Annoyed to realize he’d been absent in the middle of the day, she asked, “Where have you been?”
He shrugged, and with a private grin, answered “Around.”
She stared at him. That face, that hair, that voice … ‘my mother made it for me’ … ‘I’ll be around’ … A grin spread over her face. “Come on, there’s a terrorist shoot out on Sixth. And after you handle it, Superman, *I’ve* got some questions…”
Ignoring the look of shock on his face, she dragged him to the elevator.
– The End –
SuperMom
“I’m going to help your father redirect his energies and talents to help those who are injured and handicapped,” Lex proclaimed to Lois as Clark looked on, shaking his head in disbelief at the man’s gall. As Lois began to respond, she heard someone run up behind them.
“Ain’t this touching?” snarled Max Mencken.
“Max, I think someone is looking for you. Like the DA,” Clark told him.
Pulling a gun, Mencken growled threateningly , “Let’s nobody get heroic here.” Grabbing Lois and moving away with her, he called over his shoulder, “She’s taking a ride with me.”
Lex and Clark looked at each other and simultaneously said, “I’ll go for help.”
Moments later Superman was flying over Metropolis, searching for Lois as Mencken was leading her into an alleyway, the gun held to her back.
“What are you going to do when he comes for me?” Lois asked him confidently.
“Who?” Mencken responded.
“Superman,” was her simple reply.
“You and him real close, are you?”
“Let’s just say he’s always there for me when I need him,” Lois stated in a matter of fact manner.
“I’d say you need him now. Where is he?”
At precisely that moment, Superman eased to the ground and introduced himself. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Mencken.”
Turning toward the familiar voice, Lois noticed two of Mencken’s robo-thugs appear from a dark doorway. “Superman! Behind you!” she warned.
The first punches from the thugs caught Superman off guard, but he quickly recovered and disabled the two. To prevent their escape, he rolled them up in a nearby chain-link fence. When a third fellow appeared, crouching down into a boxing position with his fists raised, Superman gave him his sternest glare, causing the man to retreat in haste.
“Superman!!! Help!!!” he heard Lois call from a distance. Following the sound of Lois’s cries, Superman headed toward an alleyway and found her only seconds after Lex had shot Mencken. Looking worriedly at Lois, he asked her, “Are you okay?”
“You saved my life,” Lois acknowledged breathlessly, walking past Superman to face Lex who turned and said, “Well I know you can’t be everywhere at once, Superman. But I’m just glad one of us got here on time.”
Seething at Lex’s remark, Superman walked over and took Lois gently by the arm. Pulling her far enough away so that Lex couldn’t hear, he leaned toward her and whispered softly in her ear, “Well, I tried, Pumpkin.”
Her eyes wide in amazement at Superman’s brash comment, Lois was at first speechless. Then suddenly she realized what he had said.
“Pumpkin? Clark…!”
– The End –
***********
Wendy Richards
Lois couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Clark Kent, her new partner, was actually crazy enough to take Garrison up on his challenge and he was getting into the ring with the prize-fighter! What was he thinking of?
Okay, Clark was pretty muscular; she still remembered that day she’d called to his apartment to pick him up and he’d been dressed in a towel which left nothing to the imagination. He clearly worked out: his pecs, abs and biceps were pretty impressive.
But against a prize-fighter… Garrison would make mincemeat of him!
She tried to get him to stop, but Clark was determined; he’d climbed under the rope and was sparring with Garrison. The boxer seemed unwilling to make any concessions at all to the fact that he was with a novice, striking out and taunting Clark over and over. Clark managed to dodge the blows, but Lois could see that it was only a matter of time before he got hit – and hurt badly.
Lois could only watch in horror, hoping that Clark would get some sense and jump out of the ring, or that Ally would stop the fight. Her heart in her mouth, she watched Garrison aim yet another blow in Clark’s direction.
Clark ducked again, and suddenly, Garrison went flying backwards, to land on his butt… but how? What had happened? Before Garrison could regain his balance, Mencken – the owner of the gym – had jumped into the ring and was ordering Clark out.
As her partner rejoined her, Lois tried to make sense of what she’d seen. There was only one explanation… one person who could do what she had just witnessed.
And Superman wasn’t around, which meant….
She grabbed Clark by the arm and hustled him out of the gym. “You’ve got some explaining to do, Kent! Oh, and I sure hope for Garrison’s sake that you don’t have bad breath….”
– The End –
LabRat
Lois stopped with a sigh and turned her head as a rough knock sounded on the front door of her apartment.
Excellent! Wonderful timing! And she complained that Clark was a magnet for interruptions when she was trying to talk to him seriously. Oy!
Giving him a ‘hold that thought’ glance, she headed for the door.
Still sitting on the sofa, Clark watched her go, still stunned by the bombshell she’d dropped on him two minutes previously and which he’d yet to respond to.
Was she yesterday’s *news*?
How could she even *think* that?!
His dismay shifted into black annoyance as he saw who was standing at the door.
He kept his glare on Scardino as the irritating popinjay proceeded to insinuate himself into the room, taking over the conversation, the food…Lois’ attention…
…finally, it was all too much.
Global disaster, death on a grand scale, his fellow citizens in dire trouble…all of these he could accept interrupting his quest to have one – just *one*, darnit! – serious talk with Lois.
But not Scardino. That was an interruption too far.
He surged to his feet, startling Lois who was sitting on the arm of the sofa beside him and cutting Scardino off in mid flow as he warbled on about Emily Bronte or some such nonsense.
“Okay, that’s it! Enough! You know, you irritate the heck out of me, Scardino! And we were *trying* to have a conversation here! Okay, pick a window, buster, you’re leaving!”
“Huh?”
Scardino’s blankly condescending look up at him turned to shock as he was unceremoniously gripped by the shirt front and hauled upwards to dangle in air as Clark held him by one large fist.
He squawked as he was carried over to the window, but Clark barely paused as he threw open the window and pitched his cargo head first through it.
Lois gaped as Clark dusted off his hands in a satisfied manner and headed back towards her.
“Clark! How did you – ? Boy, you must be stronger than you – eek!”
This last as Clark reached her, swept her up against him, and kissed her somewhat thoroughly and to the immense satisfaction of them both.
“Sorry, Lois,” he said as he let her go. “But – ”
“Oh, forget about him.” Lois glanced toward the window and then smiled at her partner. “Tom Cruise wannabe. I never liked him either. So, Superman…why don’t you show me what else those muscles can do?”
She giggled as he scooped her up and proceeded to do just that.
– The End –
*************
Wendy Richards
Clark tried to choke back the fury he felt at seeing that annoying FDA agent, Daniel Scarface… Sardine… Scardino, or whatever his name was, at Lois’s apartment *again.* And, what was more, Lois was wearing her bathrobe! Bile rose again in his throat as a possible significance of that occurred to him.
*That must have been some chat if you needed a shower.* The instinctive response, to wound her as she had wounded him, came straight to his mind. He opened his mouth to say the words, but then he hesitated; common sense and a desire to finish what he’d started, made him force back the cutting words.
Instead, he pushed past Lois and made his way into her apartment. That grinning idiot was just standing there, looking at him as if *he* was the interloper here. The previous day, Lois had asked him if she was ‘yesterday’s news’ – well, how did she imagine he felt right now?
But he swallowed his feelings of hurt and defensiveness. That wasn’t why he was here. He’d come to have a serious talk with Lois, and that was what he intended to do.
But first… that smarmy fish-face was going to have to leave!
Turning to Scardino, Clark gave him a smile all the wider for its falseness. “Agent… Sardina, was that your name?” Without waiting for the other man to respond, he continued, “It was very… thoughtful… of you to call on Ms Lane, although it might be more professional to call her at work. You know? The Daily Planet… which is just a little short of real news stories right now, so I’m sure our readers would love to hear about publicly-paid officials who take their investigations so… *personally.* Plus, Ms Lane is busy right now, so I’m sure she’d prefer to talk to you later too.”
“Hey, pal, who says this was business?” Fish-Face challenged him. Clark smiled to himself; clearly this man had some sort of death-wish.
“I say it better have been,” Clark replied firmly, striding over to catch hold of Scardino’s collar. “Anyway, you’re leaving now. So… *interesting* to have met you.” Using just sufficient Super-strength to overpower Scardino, he hauled the agent over to the door and led him outside.
“Have a good trip,” he added his voice sardonic.
“Trip? I’m not going anyw… Hey!” The sound of Scardino’s indignant scream echoed around the stairwell, mingling with odd crashing and bumping noises.
“You are now,” Clark stated in some satisfaction, before turning back to face Lois, now standing in the open doorway of her apartment, watching in incredulity.
“Clark… what do you think you’re doing?!” she demanded.
“Throwing out the trash,” he stated bluntly, in a ‘you got a problem with that?’ voice. Now was the time for truth; if she really was interested in that grinning clown with appalling dress sense, then Clark was out of here. And out of the Planet, too.
She grinned.
She *didn’t mind*? He took a cautious step towards her.
“Clark, I never knew you could be so… well, masterful!” she said, laughing. “And as for Dan… well, he was really getting to be annoying. Oh, sure, he gave me some useful information for our investigation, but I get the impression he’s hiding far more. And I really *don’t* like the way he assumes he has the right to come into my apartment whenever he wants.”
“I don’t either, Lois,” Clark retorted. Guiding her back into her apartment and closing the door firmly, he gave her a resolute look. “Forget him. I came here to tell you something.”
“What?”
“That you’re not yesterday’s news, that I’m Superman, and that I want you to marry me.”
“Wha…?” Lois clutched at the back of one of her sofas for support. “Clark… assuming all this is true, it’s kind of sudden – and a shock, too! Why didn’t you prepare me for this, break one thing to me at a time?”
He sighed. “Because I was running out of time. I had to get rid of Scardino once and for all, tell you I’m Superman and propose to you, all in the space of ten minutes.”
– The End –
Ann McBride
Lois smiled as they strolled across the playground at the Beckworth School. She and Clark had just successfully concluded another investigation. They had unearthed the truth about the experiments being conducted by the school’s physician on some of the more gifted students. The unscrupulous researcher had been giving them IQ boosting drugs. Unfortunately, while the youngsters had enjoyed being extra “smart”, scientists at Star Labs had confirmed that prolonged exposure to Mentamide 5 caused sensory overload and ultimately complete cessation of brain function. Dr. Carlton, perhaps in an attack of remorse, had taken an overdose of the deadly substance and
was currently on life support. So the students were safe from his experiments, and Metropolis was safe from the pranks of the “Smart Kids.”
The sound of a snorting pig attracted Lois’ attention. she turned her gaze in its direction, only to see her partner rooted to the asphalt. He was staring in horror at two boys who were looking up at him, knowing grins plastered across their faces. Brightly colored sidewalk chalk in front of them spelled out, “Clark Kent = Superman.”
“I’ve seen that pig before,” she commented as she took Clark’s arm. As she drew him away, the boys colored over the words with yet more chalk.
– The End –
Chris Carr (Krissie)
Eavesdropping wasn’t in his usual repertoire of behaviour, but in this one case Clark thought – hoped – he could be forgiven for such a breach of etiquette. After all, his life was hanging in the balance here; what did mere manners matter, compared to that? Of course, he felt doubly bad that he was listening in on a conversation that involved one of his colleagues, a colleague, moreover, he wanted to get to know better. Much better. If Lois ever found out that he had been spying on her, he suspected that all his hopes in that department would be dashed.
Still… He resolutely suppressed all his moral qualms, and set about listening in on the action that was taking place in the conference room the government agents had commandeered.
Lois, he observed, was doing her best to look unconcerned as she lounged back in the desk chair she had been placed in, cultivating a look of calculated insouciance. Despite his concerns, he couldn’t help but smile as he heard her say, “If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck and talks like a duck, chances are pretty good that it’s a duck.” …
*****
Lois was still seething when the agents reluctantly detached her from the various cables and electrodes and let her return to the newsroom. By golly, she was going to make them pay for the indignities of the interrogation process! By whatever means necessary, she was going to nail them, expose them, and hang them out to dry!
Unlike Clark, Lois had absolutely no qualms about eavesdropping. Nor, for that matter, did she have any problems with spying. Now that her polygraph test was over, she was more than happy to allow all her investigative reflexes kick in, even the more questionable ones. Morals didn’t enter into it. Nor did the finer feelings of Clark Kent, should he ever find out what she was doing.
Lois crept up towards the door of the conference room, taking care to keep her head below the level of the windows. She plastered her eye as close as she could to the keyhole.
Squinting furiously, she could just about see across the room, although she found to her chagrin that she could not see anything that was more than three feet above floor level. All she could see was floor and legs, both of the furniture and of the rooms living occupants. She was irritated to discover that she could only make out snippets of the conversation.
“Why,” asked one of the men – the leader, Lois thought, “isn’t this registering as a lie?”
“… because this machine is broken again…”
Despite her limited view and the fragmentary nature of the conversation, Lois found that she couldn’t tear herself away. Who knew? She might get lucky and find out something of value. She set about identifying the room’s occupants according to their dress. The agents all seemed to be wearing a uniform of identical suits and shoes; she couldn’t distinguish one from the other.
She had no trouble identifying Clark’s feet, however, as he rubbed his shoes against the metal stand of the desk chair in which she, just minutes before, had been seated. Heh, heh, she thought uncharitably, was he nervous! She’d done a much better job of hiding her emotions than that!
And then, as the chair drifted upwards, she thought, Yep, that goon is right! Boy, that machine sure is faulty! That has to be some electrical short for the chair to defy gravity!
END
Okay. So I cheated, and this isn’t a revelation, but the obvious ending would have been too predictable, right?
*********
ShayneT
“Clark?”
He turned towards her and stared in dismay at the folder she had in her hand. Smallville 1966. Of all the things she could have found in the Bureau 39 warehouse, nothing could have been more damning.
“Lois, I can explain.” He stammered for a moment. “I should have told you I was Superman from the start, but…”
“Superman?” Lois stared at him for a moment. “This file is all about Elvis sightings in Smallville….from early in his career till after he died…I just wondered if you had ever met him?”
– The End –
———————
Thanatos (Adam)
Lois exited the elevator into the newsroom in a sort of daze. She had just been thrown out of a plane and then caught by Superman. Then to top it off, Trask had shot a missile at Superman.
Perry came towards Lois, concerned, asking, “Lois … Lois, what happened?”
Lois responded, “Before or after we were thrown out of the plane?”
“Air… airplane?” Perry asked.
Lois snapped out of her daze, “Superman… is he all right?” she asked.
Perry responded, “We don’t know, we’re trying to track down some witnesses. Now do you know what happened to..”
Just then the elevator dinged and Lois saw Clark step out of the elevator. She smiled and exclaimed, “Clark!” and ran toward him. “Oh, you’re alive.”
When Lois hugged him Clark felt great. He couldn’t keep a grin off his face as he responded, “It seems so.”
Lois released him slightly and looked around, saying, “Everybody, Clark’s alive! And if Clark’s alive that means Superman’s alive. Ooo, this story’s getting bigger every second, what are we waiting for?”
Clark, not really thinking clearly, said defensively, “When did you figure out that he was me?”
Lois realised what he meant and exclaimed, “What?!?!” as she fainted.
– The End –
********
MissyG (Raggiemom)
Clark Kent was still getting the hang of spinning in and out of his suit. After rescuing Lois from being pushed out of the plane by Trask’s henchmen, he set Lois gingerly on the ground.
“Superman?” Lois looked at him quizzically. “I thought those were supposed to be yellow briefs?”
Upon closer examination she saw a tag on the side of his heart decorated boxers; it read, ‘To Clark, Made with Love, Mom.”
“Clark, you better get your act together. I would think you’d know the difference between boxers and briefs by now.”
– The End –
Irene Dutchak
To Lois’s shock and horror, Dillinger shot Clark at point blank range. Her friend lay dead at her feet. She dropped to her knees, threw herself onto his chest and stroked his beloved face.
“No, Clark,” she moaned.
He coughed in response.
“Clark?”
His eyes opened and he looked up at Lois and the criminals standing above him. “I’m okay. I was wearing a bullet-proof vest.”
“Come on. Let’s get out of here,” Capone yelled in the background.
Lois didn’t even watch them leave. There was something else preoccupying her. “Um, Clark?”
“Yes.”
“Uh,” she splayed her hand on his broad chest, “you’re not wearing a bullet-proof vest.”
Clark looked at her with dismay in his eyes. “Oops!”
The End –
ML Thompson
The Kents approached Lois’ apartment.
“Now remember, Martha, he’s not Clark. He’s not our son. He’s Superman,” Jonathan gently reminded Martha. He was concerned that the moment they were let in to see a blind Superman, Martha would break down. He needed to prepare her for the encounter.
“Okay, okay,” said Martha.
Inside, Superman overheard the exchange. “It’s the Kents,” he informed Lois as they heard a knock on the door.
“The Kents?” Lois asked. “Clark’s parents? How do you know?”
“Oh,” said Superman, pointing to his ears.
“Oh, oh, of course,” said Lois, rising from the couch and making her way to the door.
“Hi, Lois,” said Martha, with an exaggerated smile pasted on her face.
“Martha, Jonathan, come in,” Lois said, gesturing them into her apartment.
“Oh, Superman, how are you?” asked Martha, as if surprised to find him here. Clark didn’t respond. He could hear how close his mom was to losing it and was scared of saying anything that could push her over the edge. “Oh, we’re sorry,” Martha said to Lois. “We should have called… umm… but Clark wasn’t home and so we thought well… I guess we didn’t think.”
“No, no, please,” said Superman. “I know Lois is always happy to see you and so am I.” There was a moment of silence. Clark, knowing that his mom needed to see him alone, addressed Lois. “Lois?”
“Over here,” said Lois.
“Do you have any oolong tea?”
“Oolong?”
“Oolong,” Superman confirmed.
“No,” said Lois. “Do you want some?”
“If it wouldn’t be too much trouble,” said Superman.
“Oolong sounds wonderful,” Martha confirmed.
Before Lois could respond, Jonathan spoke up. “Lois, let’s you and me get these tea drinkers some oolong.”
Lois let out a short breath before going to grab her coat. When she got to the door she turned back around. “Superman?” she asked, feeling a little confused. It was almost like she was getting the bum’s rush.
“Everything’s fine, Lois,” Superman assured her. “I just want some oolong. Really.”
Jonathan followed Lois out, closing the door behind him. He caught up with Lois quickly.
Just as they arrived at the door to the apartment building, Lois suddenly stopped. “I forgot my purse,” she announced, bounding back up the steps before Jonathan could stop her.
When she arrived at her apartment, she threw open the door. She froze for a second when she saw Martha in Superman’s arms. “Omigod!!” she gasped, throwing the door again. Just then, Jonathan caught up to her. Whatever happened, she couldn’t let Jonathan see what she had just seen. It would break his heart to realize that his wife was having an affair with Superman!!!
“Lois?” asked Jonathan, a pit suddenly growing in the pit of his stomach.
“Nothing,” said Lois, in a voice that was just a little too high. “I don’t really need my purse. I think I can find enough change in my coat and my jeep to buy the tea.” As she said this, she attempted to push Jonathan back down the hall way.
Suddenly, the door opened. “Lois,” Martha said. “I think you and Jonathan need to come back here now.” Since Lois had burst in, she and Clark had been speaking quickly. They had decided there was really only one way to deal with this situation. “I think there’s something you need to know.”
Lois was nervous as they entered her apartment. She really didn’t want to be here when Martha admitted to Jonathan that she was in love with Superman.
“I know what you must be thinking, Lois,” said Superman. “But it’s not what you think.”
“Superman and I aren’t having an affair,” Martha concluded.
“You’re not,” Lois said, the color rising in her cheeks.
“No, Lois. We’re not having an affair because this is my mom – well, my adopted mom,” Superman informed her.
“So you and Clark are… what? Brothers?”
Superman smiled. “No, Lois, I am Clark. I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now but when you saw…”
No one was quick enough to catch a fainting Lois Lane.
– The End –
***********
TerriAnn
Lois navigated her Jeep through the streets of Metropolis with frustration. She rushed to get home on her lunch break, worried about both her house guest and her apartment. The blinded superhero had managed to break every lamp in her living room the previous evening. She tried not to think of the crystal vase of her grandmother’s that was in the trash.
As Lois pulled onto her street she saw Clark walk out of the door to her apartment building. She stopped in the street, in shock, as she realized Clark was wearing her clothes! How? Why!?!…. What was he doing!! Lois pulled the Jeep over and tried to calm her racing heart. Clark was a cross dresser, and he was stealing her clothes. She watched as he slowly started to descend the steps. *Those are my shoes! How did he fit into my shoes?*
As she watched, Clark put his hands out and front of himself and staggered drunkenly to the curb. *How strange, now what’s he doing?* Clark staggered off the curb and landed on the back of a car. The car effortlessly flew out from under him and crashed across the street. Lois sat stunned. *That’s not Clark, that’s Superman! Why did I think that could be Clark? Wait…but… that means…Superman’s a cross dresser?* she calmed herself down and tried to think things through rationally. While she sat there, he talked briefly to several people on the street. Conversations she could not hear. Realizing he could not see, she tip toed into hearing range just as he entered a phone booth. Her heart went out to him as she realized that he just wanted to use the phone. Poor man, reduced to wearing her clothes because obviously he couldn’t stumble blind out on the streets in full Superman regalia. Curious, she crept closer to see whom he would call.
“Yes, I’d like to make a collect call. Clark Kent is my name.”
Lois’ head started to buzz with the impact of what she had just heard. Was she that stupid? Missing part of the conversation in her self recrimination, she again paid attention.
“OK mom, I’m staying at Lois’, but remember, I’m staying here as Superman, not Clark.”
Yep, she decided, she was that stupid. And apparently Clark thought so as well. As added salt to her newly opened emotional wound, Clark suddenly spun out of her clothes and into the suit to break up a mugging across the street. Lois had to laugh at the blind boy scout as she crossed the street. He was fumbling around for the victim’s cane. Lois picked it up and put it within his reach, resisting the urge to hit him with it. She stepped back and waited as Clark finished the conversation with the (other) blind man.
As he started to walk away, Lois grabbed the cape and reeled him back to her. “OK Clark! You owe me an explanation!” She pulled him by the cape towards her door and suddenly stopped. “And a new pair of shoes!”
– The End –
Cindy Leuch
“How’d you get it cold so fast?” Lois asked, bewildered.
“I, uh…” Clark floundered, desperately trying to think of some way to explain it. In desperation, he pulled down his glasses and zapped the lamp next to the sofa, plunging the room into darkness. “Oh, uh-oh.”
“I think there’s another one on the other side of the couch…” Lois said.
“Oh, I’ve got it,” Clark said, heading for the same location. The darkness caused a collision, and all of a sudden the two found themselves laying on the couch, Lois on top of Clark and her champagne all over his shirt. Lois reached up and turned on the lamp.
“It looks like I’m the one who needs to change now,” Clark said. Lois, perched on top of him, noticed under the light that underneath the white of his damp shirt, a bluish hue seemed to exist. Curious, she trailed her hand over his chest, feeling a bump as she moved toward the center.
Clark sat transfixed, unable to stop Lois as she explored his chest through his shirt. Suddenly he felt her hands grab it and rip it open, revealing his supersuit underneath. Lois immediately sat up, a look of surprise on her face. She scrambled off the top of Clark and made a beeline for the now chilled champagne. She grabbed the bottle by the neck and proceeded to chug the entire bottle as Clark watched, wide-eyed, unable to move.
Lois slammed the empty bottle down on top of the refrigerator and glared at Clark with eyes that were rapidly glazing over, trying to catch her breath. Finally she spoke. “Pearl Jam, Clark? You could take us to the pyramids or Rome or a desert island somewhere, and you want our first date to be PEARL JAM?”
Clark sat up tentatively. “Well, I uh….”
“No, no, don’t talk.” Lois staggered slightly. Her words were beginning to slur as the alcohol hit her small body with a vengeance. “I just want to know one thing.”
“What?”
“What?” Lois asked, suddenly forgetting what she was going to ask. Her eyes fixed on the lampshade of the light that Clark had so recently burned out. She staggered over to it and fumbled around until she got the shade off and placed it on her head, aligning the scorched holes with her own eyes.
Clarks own eyes got extremely wide as he watched the drunken Lois with a sense of foreboding. Lois stumbled over to him and wrapped her arms around him. “Happy New Year, Superclark. What do you say we go to Nirvana instead? You can come as you are.”
Clark regarded the small part of Lois’ eyes that he could see through the little holes. An amused smile began to creep across his face.
“If they see Superman there, I’ll be all apologies….”
“Never mind….”
– The End –
************
SuperMom
As she gripped the champagne bottle to refill the goblet she had spilled all over Clark, Lois turned to look toward the stateroom where she knew Clark was changing his clothes. She smiled as she saw the outline of his body silhouetted in the glass door. She’d seen that body before, draped only in a bath towel, and she sighed in remembrance of the sight.
Lois watched as Clark first undid his tie and pulled it from his shirt collar. A moment later, she watched him kick off his shoes and unbuckle his belt. Unbuttoning and unzipping his trousers, he let them fall to the floor. He stepped out of them and made a swift motion with his leg that Lois presumed was to push them aside.
“He only has the shirt left,” she thought to herself, closing her eyes as images of Clark’s bare chest filled her mind. Opening them and staring once again at the glass, Lois watched, enraptured, as Clark unbuttoned first the cuffs and then the front of his shirt. As he pulled it off his shoulders, Lois turned her attention once more to the champagne bottle and tipped it to start the liquid pouring into her goblet. Looking up again, she saw that Clark had removed the shirt and apparently dropped it too to the floor, but had moved a few steps to the left so that only half of him was visible now. She peered hard at the door glass, willing it to disappear so she could catch another glimpse of those magnificent pectoral muscles. As she did, Clark moved back to his previous position directly in front of the door and began turning, which would give Lois a view of him in profile.
Lois closed her eyes once again and swallowed hard. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she opened her lids, her gaze riveted on the door, knowing that she would see Clarks’s……………….CAPE?
– The End –
MissyG (Raggiemom)
It had been such a lovely evening, Lois thought as she gazed at her Kerth trophies. She’d been so proud of her partner. Clark was the by far the most handsome man in the room that night. The expressions on the other women were that of total jealousy. If looks could kill she would have been dead the moment she’d walked in the door.
But it was *his* night. She’d hung on his arm ‘decoratively’; she was beautiful, yet invisible. Although it wasn’t her normal style, she played the perfect date. She had dressed to the hilt, taking care to make sure she turned every head in the place, especially his. She wouldn’t let him know it, but tonight was special to her also. She almost felt like kissing him when they said good night a few minutes earlier. But when she looked into his warm expression and gentle smile, she decided it just wasn’t quite right; not yet.
Sighing, she turned to close up her showcase. She suddenly was aware of a presence behind her. She turned around and it was Superman.
“Hello Lois,” he said softly as he strode toward her and clasped her hands.
She gazed up into the tall figure posed so gallantly before her and lost herself in his warm smile.
“Oh, Clark,” she wailed. “You really need to be more careful. Unless there’s a place in that suit for pockets, you need to go home and brush your teeth before you change. You have the same piece of lettuce stuck to your teeth as you did a half an hour ago.”
– The End –
**********
Audrey Rempel
“Mmm, make me go through another night like that, and I’ll rip out your spleen.”
Clark laughed at the playful threat. “Sounds fair.”
He looked at the abstract glass statue in his hands. A Kerth …
“It looks smaller in real life.”
“Not quite as impressive. Really, you win one of those and you’re back on the beat tomorrow, only as good as your next story.”
“So where do you think I should keep it?”
“Oh, I’m the wrong person to ask, I keep mine in the back of the closet.”
***
Clark sighed as Lois walked off into the night to her waiting car. This night had been just perfect. Lois as his, a Kerth. He didn’t want it to end.
Hmmm, he thought, maybe it doesn’t have to.
Ten minutes later, Clark hovered outside of Lois’ apartment. He wasn’t sure yet if this was a bright idea, but he didn’t want the night to end yet!
As he approached the window, he looked down to make sure there wasn’t a schmutz on the ‘S’ and gasped! The Kerth! He gazed at the trophy still clutched in his hand. Yikes! Flying into Lois’ apartment with the Kerth would not be a smart move.
Good goin’ Kent! I swear, if your head wasn’t attached … Clark shook his head in disgust as he set the Kerth down on a convenient brick sticking out of the side of Lois’ building. He’d have to remember to pick it up later. Glancing down again ‘at least you’re not wearing a tie’ he flew to Lois’ window.
***
“I like the lighting, makes them look … bigger.” Clark smiled slightly as he looked at Lois’ awards. The back of a closet indeed! Well, time to get out of here, before he started babbling about how great a date Lois was. He just didn’t have the concentration necessary tonight for his dual role.
“Wait, Superman!”
He turned to look back at Lois. He watched as she approached, with a shy smile on her face, and handed him a white rose.
“What’s this for?”
“I need a reason?”
He smiled slightly. No, Lois didn’t a reason. He closed his eyes as she reached forward to kiss his cheek. Then blinked in confusion as she suddenly stopped, and sniffed, instead.
“Lois?”
Sniff, sniff. Clark watched bewildered as Lois grabbed his hand and sniffed his right palm.
“Lois, what …?”
“I don’t believe!”
“Wha …”
“Clark Kent, you rat!”
What?!!?! How …
“You smell like a Kerth!”
– The End –
Traceylynn
“Hey, CK, are those new specs?” Jimmy asked as he pushed his chair back to stand.
“Oh, yeah,” Clark answered, reaching up to adjust them with his fingertips.
“Can I try them on?” Before Clark could answer or react, Jimmy reached across the conference room table and plucked the glasses from Clark’s face.
“Wait–” Clark started, but it was too late. Jimmy had already slid the glasses onto his face and was turning to Lois for an opinion.
“Hey, Lois, what do you think? How do I look?”
Lois stared at him for a second. Then her eyes widened and began to dart back and forth between the two men, finally settling on Clark. Her mouth dropped open in surprise.
Jimmy waited for a moment for her answer, but when it was obvious that he wasn’t going to get one, he ducked out of the conference room, eager to check his appearance in the bathroom mirror.
Clark looked at Lois, meeting her dark eyes with his own pleading look and an apology already forming on his lips. She still hadn’t said anything to him; she was just staring at him with that same shocked expression.
Just as he was about to speak, Jimmy came bounding back through the doors. “Hey, guys, I really think I look good in these things!”
Upon hearing Jimmy’s voice, Lois finally seemed to find hers. She stood up slowly and walked around the table to stand directly in front of Clark. She glanced back once more at Jimmy, who was still wearing the wire-frame glasses.
She turned back to speak to Clark, her voice low enough to prevent Jimmy from hearing her. Her voice was thick with exaggeration and laced with mock horror as she asked her question. “Excuse me, Superman, but could you please tell me who is at the door, and what happened to Jimmy Olsen?”
– The End –
******
Wendy Richards
Lois hesitated, looking at Clark but unsure how to answer his question. *Was* that all that he was to her? Partner? Best friend?
It was all so confusing… she just didn’t know if she could trust h – No, not Clark. She could trust him, or at least she hoped so. It was herself, her own feelings, she didn’t trust. What if she made a commitment to him and discovered a few months along the line that she didn’t really love him after all? What if he kept running off on her? How long could she continue to accept that? What if she just wasn’t the sort of person anyone could love?
She turned away, unable to bear the pleading in his brown eyes. Wouldn’t she be better just keeping him as a best friend? The kind of friend Superman had metamorphosed into over the past few months?
But Clark was still waiting for an answer. She sighed heavily, knowing that this was so important to their futures. What would he do if she decided to deny her feelings for him? Could she stand to see him dating someone else? It had been bad enough seeing him with Mayson, and they’d never even talked about dating each other at that point in their relationship.
Finally, she made herself face him. “I don’t know,” she told him softly. “I know how I feel…and I know what I think. And those are two very different things.”
A look of disappointment crossed his handsome face, before he assumed a more determined expression. “Can I make a suggestion?” he asked lightly.
“Please.” Anything to get them past this impasse…
“Let’s finish what we started,” he proposed. Her heart skipped a beat. What did he mean? Go ahead with the first date which had never happened?
“The chess game,” he explained. “Then we can take it from there.”
That sounded… okay, Lois thought. She could manage that. She linked arms with Clark and headed for the entrance, passing Jimmy and Perry on the way and exchanging a few words with them.
In the elevator, there was silence; an almost awkward air of two people not really knowing what to say to break the ice. Clark leaned against one wall and Lois against the opposite one, neither meeting the other’s gaze. In an attempt to find something to do, Lois reached into her purse to find her compact mirror and lipstick, unscrewing the top of the lipstick preparatory to applying it.
She was gazing down into her mirror, so she missed the look of alarm which crossed Clark’s face; she didn’t miss him emitting a smothered cry and sliding down the wall of the car to the floor.
“Clark, what is it? What’s wrong?” she demanded anxiously, throwing herself down to kneel by his side.
His features were contorted with pain, but he raised a shaky hand to point to her hand, the one still gripping the lipstick. “T…that… get that away… from… me…”
Lois reflexively glanced at the lipstick and was shocked to see the tip was a glowing green colour.
“Oh, my God… I must have picked up Diana Stride’s lipstick!”
– The End-
********
Pam Jernigan
Lois watched Clark’s press conference critically. Diana Stride had made a fairly convincing case — if one didn’t know either Clark or Superman too well, that is. But enough doubt had been created that she was desperately hoping that Clark could thoroughly refute the claims.
Then Superman arrived, hovering overhead, and explained that it was all a matter of laundry. She broke into a relieved smile. Yes, that explained everything. Well, good.
After the press conference, she joined Clark. “Congratulations, partner. Good job, now things can get back to normal.”
“I hope so,” he fervently assented. “I mean, can you imagine? This was all so…” he glanced towards her and laughed nervously, “So silly!”
“Oh yeah. So, Clark, who do you know who can do holograms? It was a pretty good job, but there was a little bit of flicker.”
Clark gaped at her, unable to answer.
She grinned, feeling smug. He thought he could fool her, did he? “Come on, Clark. I’ve been to your place tons of times. You don’t *have* a washer and dryer…”
– The End –
*************
Alex
“I like your new glasses.” Lois said, as they pushed back through the revolving doors. It was an offhand comment but it served to release the tension she felt suddenly by being in Clark’s presence. When had he started to make her nervous?
A nagging voice inside her head said *The minute you noticed how wonderful he was. How kind and caring and gentle…and how gorgeous*
Hastily steering her thoughts away from *that* particular area before she lost herself in daydreams, she added, “Did you ever think about getting contacts?”
“No,” was his brief reply, but the way he said it made her look at him. It almost sounded as if the idea was a personal joke to him, judging from his amused tone.
“Oh come on,” she threw back. “You have beautiful eyes. Why hide them behind those frames all the time?”
“Beautiful, huh?” Clark replied as he pushed the button for the elevator. “I remember you once described them as *dull, insipid, mud-brown*. You’ve changed your mind since then.”
Confused, Lois searched for the memory of what he was referring too. And then it came to her, a flush staining her cheeks as she remembered the derogatory description. It had been when she was comparing Clark to Superman, right after both of them had arrived in Metropolis. Both of them…a niggling feeling came from that thought, as if she was missing a clue.
“Oh,” she said shamefacedly. She wondered how he had been able to stand her back then. She had made clear how much she didn’t want a partner, and her disgust at being saddled with a ‘hack from Nowheresville’. Remembrance of that comment made her feel worse. All she could do now was show him how much she’d changed.
“Well, I’m sorry for that Clark. I do like your eyes.” Before he could react she reached up and grabbed at the spectacles, intending to prove her point by taking off his glasses.
“Wait, Lois, no!”
Clark, even with his super reflexes, was incapable of stopping Lois Lane. He’d been mesmerized by watching her apologise, an action rarely seen from Lois, and had been unable to anticipate her quick movement. As she looked at his face properly for the first time, he felt like a deer caught in the headlights, unable to move under her gaze.
“Clark,” she began in a faltering tone, and then she seemed to recover.
“You rat! All those times you pretended you couldn’t see two feet in front of your own face!”
Stepping into the elevator, she grabbed his tie and pulled him in after her.
“Somehow I think we’ll be talking about more than chess tonight!”
– The End –
Marnie Rowe
Lois: Superman, what do you think you are doing?!?>!?!
<knock knock> Clark, thank god…
Clark: Lois, if you are busy I can leave…?
Lois: No, Clark, stay. Superman was just leaving…
Superman Clone swings at Clark. Clark grabs hand before it hits and holds it. Superclone walks out with a threat…
Clark: Lois, are you alright?
Lois: Clark, how did you do that? Are you crazy? Wait a minute, I know that that was not Superman and then you held him off… You! you are Superman, Clark. Why did you never tell me?
– The End –
**********
Hazel
“I wasn’t *in* Paris!” Clark exclaimed, frustrated.
He was concentrating so hard on the conversation with his parents that he didn’t hear the insistent pounding on the door. Amazingly, he didn’t even notice the furtive scratching sounds when someone picked the lock. He *did* notice, however, when Lois spotted him floating upside down and shrieked loudly enough to make Jon and Martha, listening from Smallville, jerk the receivers away from their ears.
Uh oh.
“Um, Mom? Dad? I think I’m gonna have to call you back…”
– The End
By James Tull
Lois stood on the street watching Superman’s first encounter with the Soundman.
The Soundman fiddled with his device, trying to get just the right frequency. He aimed and fired.
Eveything that was blue in Superman’s costume disintegrated.
“Whoops! I guess your the Beefcake of Steel now. Cheerio.”
Clark looked down and quickly wrapped his cape around him.
Lois thought, **Ooh. Nice pecs. Wait a minute. I know those pecs!**
– The End –
Hazel
“It’s not just dangerous for you to know what I’m doing,” Scardino said, his voice so patronizing it made Lois’ back teeth ache. “It’s dangerous for me.”
Angry, she put down the tray on the coffee table with a thump. She took a step forward, then another. Scardino’s smarmy smile faded a little as she kept advancing.
“You don’t trust me,” she said flatly. She took another step towards him, and this time Scardino started backing away. “You’re going to find crossing *me* is a lot more dangerous than crossing any petty criminals you’re chasing.”
“Now, Lois…”
“Where’s my plunger?”
“Lois…”
“Even a hammer would do. Maybe that coffee tray…?”
“Lois?” Scardino swallowed hard. His back was to the window; there wasn’t anywhere else to go.
“Window!” Lois’ face brightened. “Your favorite mode of exit. Well, go for it — NOW!”
She shoved him. His arms windmilled frantically, and then he toppled backwards. “Yeeaggggh–” The scream was cut short.
Lois looked pleased as she peered out the window, but then her face fell. Superman, the idiot! He’d just ruined everything, and that expression of frustrated jealousy on his face was the same one she’d seen when —
“Clark!” she shouted. “Don’t be such a party-pooper! I *wanted* him to land the hard way!”
She turned away from the window stamped back to the couch, muttering, “And I was aiming for Nirvana…”
– The End –
***********
SuperMom
[Two different takes on the same scene. One is silly, the other not.]
“Don’t be Mr. Gloomy Pants,” Lois heard the little girl say to Superman. And then she saw her give Superman a big hug, wishing she could do the same.
“Be careful. I might get jealous,” she joked as she approached the Man of Steel. He looked so forlorn sitting on the park bench, his shoulders slumped and his head bowed. Lois had been researching the lawsuit filed against him and this Calvin Dreggs fellow who had filed it and was eager to share her findings with Superman.
“He has a pattern of filing frivolous lawsuits. He’s clearly vindictively litigious,” she proclaimed. “I’d like to help.”
Superman rose from the park bench, turning to fly away. But before he could depart terra firma, Lois noticed a piece of paper that he’d left behind. Thinking it might deal with his case, she picked it up and called to him, “Superman, wait! You left something.”
Superman walked back toward Lois, cape billowing behind him, his arms crossed in their usual authoritative position. At just the moment that he stepped back in front of Lois, she looked down at the paper she had retrieved from the park bench. It was small, about 3 inches by 5 inches, and had a familiar look to it. Turning it over, she gasped when she saw the words printed on the paper — words printed by her own hand: “Forget It!”
“Superman, how did you get this? Clark…………..!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Don’t be Mr. Gloomy Pants,” Lois heard the little girl say to Superman. And then she saw her give Superman a big hug, wishing she could do the same.
“Be careful. I might get jealous,” she joked as she approached the Man of Steel. He looked so forlorn sitting on the park bench, his shoulders slumped and his head bowed. Lois had been researching the lawsuit filed against him and this Calvin Dreggs fellow who had filed it and was eager to share her findings with Superman.
“He has a pattern of filing frivolous lawsuits. He’s clearly vindictively litigious,” she proclaimed. “I’d like to help.”
But Superman had flown away before she was through, leaving her slumped and forlorn on that same park bench. Head bowed, Lois noticed something in the grass beneath the spot where Superman had sat. Reaching over to retrieve it, she discovered it was a wadded piece of paper. She began to open it up, a task made none too easy by the fact that Superman had done a “super” job of crumpling it. Once she had it done, she noticed that it was about 3 inches by 5 inches — a sheet from a waiter’s order pad perhaps? Turning it over, she gasped as she saw the words “Forget It!” written on the paper — words written in her own hand. And then she noticed what appeared to be wet spots on the paper.
In a rush of thoughts and emotions, it all began to make sense: Cheese of the Month Club, late video returns, dry cleaning pick-ups, notes left in a taxi — they were not excuses to get away from her and the discussion of a commitment. They were *reasons* to get away and be Superman.
Holding the paper close to her heart, Lois sobbed, “Oh, Clark.”
– The End –
Wendy Richards
“Well, here we are. Thanks, Clark.”
Clark paused beside Lois, knowing that she was dismissing him. However, some little demon inside him refused to allow her to have her way this time. “We’re not there yet,” he told her smoothly. “When I take somebody home, she gets door-to-door service.”
She threw him a swift glower. “Unnecessary. Like I told you – ”
As she was speaking, Clark’s attention was caught by a movement behind her; the wheelchair-bound man who had just passed them had turned back in a sudden movement. There was a glint of steel in his hand.
“Lois!” he exclaimed warningly, but she was paying no attention.
There was no time for Superman to appear. He would have to act as himself.
Pushing Lois roughly backwards and out of the way, he put himself between her and the gunman just as two shots were fired and, simultaneously, a motorbike backfired just down the street. The bullets hit his chest, and he swiftly caught them in his hand, at the same time expelling a burst of air towards the wheelchair, causing it and its occupant to spin helplessly.
Behind him, Lois was getting to her feet. “Clark?!” she demanded angrily.
“Stay back!” he warned her, returning his attention to the wheelchair… now empty. There was no-one else around; the would-be assassin had vanished.
“That hurt!” Lois protested, fury in her voice.
He jumped; she’d crept up behind him. “Lois! You don’t sneak up on somebody at a time like this!” Quickly, he made a fist, hiding the bullets.
“A time like what?!” She sounded indignant.
“Somebody just tried to kill you!” he retorted, annoyed that she didn’t seem to be at all worried by the danger she’d been in.
“Yes, you!” she threw at him. Then she frowned. “What’s that in your hand?”
“What?” He tried to hide his hand from her view, but she’d already grabbed it. Holding firm, he refused to let her open it. After several fruitless attempts at forcing him to open his fist, she glared at him, then looked appalled and stalked away, condemnation oozing from every pore of her body.
“Lois…?” he questioned.
She turned back to him, her expression furious. “Clark Kent, you are… you should be ashamed of yourself. I can’t believe you deceived me like this! You… you *lied* to me! I don’t know how I can ever trust you again!”
Confused, and now very worried, Clark advanced on Lois. Could she have… uh-oh, it looked as if she had! She must have seen him stop the bullets. He sighed; there was nothing for it but a full confession. “Lois… I’m sorry. But I couldn’t tell you I was Superman before because – ”
“Huh?” she interrupted him, now looking baffled. “What are you talking about? – no, never mind about that. You lied to me, Clark! You’ve always pretended to be such a weakling you couldn’t even open a peanut butter jar, and it turns out you’ve got a grip I can’t even begin to break!”
– The End –